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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sobach{p1}e Serdtse \\
\\
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mikhail Bulgakov \\
\\
~~Neobycha\u{i}no\u{i} krasoty zhenski\u{i} golos pel iz opery. Na kolonnakh veter
dral plakaty s gromadnymi bukvami: "Luch novo\u{i} zhizni professora Preobrazhenskogo.
Vechnaya molodost{p1}~i bessmertie". Velichestvenny\u{i} pod{p2}ezd byl zakolochen doskami.
Metel{p1}~vyla. Filipp Filippovich prislonilsya spinoyu k kolonne i tozhe zavyl.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. U-u-u-u-u-u-u!\\
~~~~~(Iz-za kolonny vypolz Pes.)\\
~~Pes. U-u-u-u-u-u-u!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. U-u-u-u-u-u-u!\\
~~Pes. O, lyudi! glyan{p1}te na menya, ya pogibayu! Glyan{p1}te na menya!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. O, lyudi, glyan{p1}te na nego!\\
~~Pes. Ya pogibayu!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. O lyudi, on pogibaet.\\
~~Pes. V{p1}yuga, Filipp Filippovich. O, lyudi, V{p1}yuga v podvorotne voet
mne otkhodnuyu, i ya voyu s ne\u{i}. Propal ya, propal!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. U-u-u-u-u-u!\\
~~Pes. U-u-u-u-u. Negodyai!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kto?\\
~~Pes. Povar v stolovo\u{i} normal{p1}nogo pitaniya plesnul kipyatkom i
obvaril mne levy\u{i} bok. Kakaya gadina, a eshche proletari\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kipyatkom?\\
~~Pes. Krutym.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Gospodi, bozhe mo\u{i}, kak bol{p1}no, lyudi!\\
~~Pes. Ochen{p1}~bol{p1}no. Vor s medno\u{i} rozhe\u{i}. Do koste\u{i} proelo
kipyatochkom. Dal{p1}~moe\u{i} kar{p1}ery viden mne otchetlivo.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zavtra poyavyat$\!\,$sya yazvy.\\
~~Pes. Chem ya ikh budu lechit{p1}? Letom mozhno spryatat{p1}sya v Sokol{p1}niki,
tam est{p1}~osobennaya, ochen{p1}~khoroshaya trava ... A zimo\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A zimo\u{i}? Lyudi?\\
~~Pes. Vas sapogami bili?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Bili.\\
~~Pes. Ikh bili! Kirpichem po rebram poluchali?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Dostatochno? Ya dumayu dostatochino.\\
~~Pes. Vse ispytal, s sud{p1}boyu svoe\u{i} miryus{p1}. I, esli plachu se\u{i}chas,
to tol{p1}ko ot fizichesko\u{i} boli i kholoda, potomu chto mo\u{i} dukh eshche
ne ugas. Zhivuch! Ved{p1}, glavnoe, kak vrezal kipyatochkom, pod sherst{p1}~proelo.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zashchity, stalo byt{p1}, dlya levogo boka net nikako\u{i}.\\
~~Pes. Nikako\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vospalenie legkikh, lyudi!\\
~~Pes. S vospaleniem legkikh polagaet$\!\,$sya lezhat{p1}~na paradnom khole
pod lestnitse\u{i}, a kto vmesto menya budet begat{p1}~po sornym yashchikam v
poiskakh pitaniya? Kto?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kto? Lyudi, kto?\\
~~Pes. Popolzu ya na zhivote, oslabeyu, kazhdy\u{i} zashibit{p1}
~mozhet menya palko\u{i} nasmert{p1}. I dvorniki ukhvatyat menya za nogi i
vykinut na telegu. Povar popadaet$\!\,$sya razny\u{i}. Naprimer, Vlas Prechistenki.
Poko\u{i}ny\u{i}. Skol{p1}kim on zhizn{p1}~spas. Tsarstvie emu nebesnoe za
to, chto byl nastoyashchaya lichnost{p1}, barski\u{i} povar grafov Tolstykh.
Byvalo, govoryat, makhnet Vlas kost{p1}yu!.\\
~~Filipp Filippovichi. O lyudi! Skol{p1}kim on zhizn{p1}~spas! (ushel).\\
~~Pes. (vsled emu) Zhizn{p1} on skol{p1}kim spas! Kuda? U-u-u-u-u-guu! Kuda,
kakogo leshego, sprashivaet$\!\,$sya, neset ego v magazin Tsentrokhoza? Chego on
tam zhdet? Chto on mozhet kupit{p1} v lryannom magaziinshke, razve malo
emu Okhotnogo ryada?\\
~~(Probegaet Baryshnya. Metel{p1}~vertit ee, sbivaet do kolen yubchonku.)\\
~~Baryshnya. Ty chto skulish{p1}, bednyazhka, tebya kto obidel, Sharik?\\
~~Pes. Nu kako\u{i} ya k chertu "Sharik"? Sharik -- {e1}to znachit krugly\u{i},
upitanny\u{i}, glupy\u{i}, ovsyanku zhret, syn znatnykh roditele\u{i}, a ya klyacha
polzharennaya, bezdomny\u{i} pes.\\
~~Baryshnya. Kakaya pogoda ... Sharik ... \\
~~Pes. V{p1}yuga, lyudi ... v{p1}yuga.\\
~~Baryshnya. I zhivot bolit.\\
~~Pes. {E1}to solonina. Oni, merzavtsy, iz soleno\u{i} soloniny shchi varyat 40
kopeek iz dvukh blyud, a oba {e1}ti blyuda i pyatialtynnogo ne stoyat, potomu
chto ostal{p1}nye 25 kopeek zavkhoz uvoroval. A e\u{i} razve tako\u{i} stol
nuzhen? U nee verkhushka pravogo legkogo ne v poryadke.\\
~~Baryshnya. Nogi kholodnye.\\
~~Pes. Zhivot ... \\
~~Baryshnya. Zhivot duet. A shtany ... \\
~~Pes. A shtany?\\
~~Baryshnya. Shtany.\\
~~Pes. Shtany ona nosit kholodnye, kruzhevnye vidimost{p1}~odna ... \\
~~Baryshnya. Dlya lyubovnika.\\
~~Pes. A poprobu\u{i} nadet{p1}~ona flanelevye shtany, on zhe zaoret ... \\
~~Baryshnya. Nadoela mne moya Matrena, namuchilsya ya s flanelevymi shtanami,
teper{p1}~prishlo moe vremechko. Ya teper{p1}~predsedatel{p1},
skol{p1}ko ni nakradu --vse na zhenskoe telo, na Abrau-Dyurso.\\
~~Pes. Potomu chto nagolodalsya on v molodosti, a zagrobno\u{i} zhizni ne
sushchestvuet ... teper{p1}.\\
~~Baryshnya. Sharik, kogda {e1}to vse konchit$\!\,$sya? (ushla)\\
~~Pes (savyl). E\u{i}-to khot{p1}~doma teplo ... \\
(poyavlyaet$\!\,$sya Filipp Filippovich)\\
~~Pes. Chto {e1}to? Chto u nego v pravom karmane? Ra\u{i}ski\u{i} zapakh rubleno\u{i}
kolbasy s chesnokom i pertsem! Kolbasa! Ne dast! O, mo\u{i} p｢ovelitel{p1}! Ya
umirayu. Rabskaya nasha dusha, da podlaya dolya. Vy - velichina mirovogo znacheniya!
Dlya chego vam gnilaya loshad{p1}? Ne dast! Ni za chto ne dast.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (Otlamyvaya kusok kolbasy). Beri, Sharik, beri.\\
~~Pes. Okrestili! Nazyva\u{i}te menya kak khotite. Premnogo vam
blagodaren za isklyuchitel{p1}ny\u{i} vash postupok! (S voskhlipyvaniem vgryzsya v
kolbasu) Lizhu vam ruku. Tseluyu shtany, mo\u{i} blagodetel{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Oshe\u{i}nika netu.\\
~~Pes. Net.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu i prekrasno. Tebya-to mne i nado.\\
~~Pes. Pina\u{i}te menya vashimi fetrovymi botinkami, ya slova ne vymolvlyu. Za vami, za
vami -- da na kra\u{i} sveta!!! Kot!!! Kot rvan{p1}! Ne napasesh{p1}sya kolbasy na
vsyakuyu rvan{p1}!!!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Beri.\\
(F.F otlomil eshche kusochek.)\\
~~Pes. Chudak! {E1}to on menya podmanivaet. Ne bespoko\u{i}sya! Ya i tak budu
dvigat{p1}sya za tobo\u{i} kuda tol{p1}ko ne prikazhesh{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovish. Proshu!\\
~~Pes. Da, da, da! {e1}tot tukhlo\u{i} soloniny est{p1} ne stanet, a esli gde-nibud{p1}
emu ee podadut, podymet skandal, v gazete napishet!\\
(I tut ot steny otdelilsya primerzshi\u{i} k ne\u{i} Reporter v letnem pal{p1}tetse.)\\
~~Reporter. Ya zamerz! Kakaya pogoda!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ot$\!\,$stan{p1}te ot menya, milostivy\u{i} gosudar{p1}!\\
~~Pes. U-uuu-uuu!\\
~~Reporter. Ya zamerz! Ya iz gazety! Para minut. Para minut. Para minutochek! Odno
malen{p1}koe interv{p1}yu naschet roli vashego genial{p1}nogo otkrytiya v
narodnom khozya\u{i}stve.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sharik, vzyat{p1} ego.\\
~~Pes. Dolgu proshu ochistit{p1} (diko voet) U-uuu! Oni uzhe ne meshayut, oni
uzhe na trube na vtorom {e1}tazhe.\\
Reporter isparilsya.\\
\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fit{p1}-fit{p1}-fit{p1}.\\
~~Pes. V Obukhov pereulok? S lyubov{p1}yu i predannost{p1}yu! Da potomu chto vse
vidno: est obil{p1}no, ne voruet i nikogo ne boit$\!\,$sya. Ibo vechno syt.\\
Poyavilsya Fedor.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Syuda proshu.\\
~~Pes. Stoyat{p1}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Stoyu.\\
~~Pes. Opasnee dvornika -- zhivoder v pozumente!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Akh, da ... \\
~~Fedor. Zdraviya zhelayu, Filipp Filippovich!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zdravstvu\u{i}, Fedor.\\
~~Fedor. Galoshi ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Opyat{p1} poperli?\\
~~Fedor. Posledniy. (Zamakhivaet$\!\,$sya na Sharika.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fedor! Chto ty, golubchik. {E1}to so mno\u{i}.\\
~~Fedor. Sharik ... \\
~~Pes. Chto {e1}to za litso takoe, kotoroe mozhet psa s ulitsy vvodit{p1} v
dom zhilishchnogo tovarishchestva.\\
~~Fedor. Chuvstvuet$\!\,$sya poroda.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Poroda, Fedor, poroda.\\
~~Pes. A {e1}tot podlets --ni zvuka, ni dvizheniya.\\
~~Fedor. Krasavets, krasavets.\\
~~Pes. Pravda, glaz u nego tukhly\u{i}. No kak uvazhaet gospodina, do chego uvazhaet!\\
Sharik chshet$\!\,$sya.\\
~~Fedor. Bloshki ... blokhi ikh bespokoyat ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovichi. Bespokoyat, Fedor, bespokoyat.\\
~~Sharik. Skol{p1}ko raz mordu mne urodoval?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pisem mne, Fedor, ne bylo?\\
~~Fedor. Nikak net, Filipp Filippovich. Gazetchiki opyat{p1} byli. (Intimno
vpolgolosa vdogonku) -- a v tret{p1}yu kvartiru zhiltovarishche\u{i} vselili.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (Kruto obernuvshis{p1} na stupen{p1}ke i peregnuvshis{p1}
cherez perila) Nu-u?\\
~~Fedor. Tochno tak, tselykh chetyre shtuki.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Bozhe mo\u{i}! Voobrazhayu, chto teper{p1} budet v kvartire.
Nu i chto zh oni?\\
~~Fedor. Da nichego-s.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A Fedor Pavlovich?\\
~~Fedor. Za shirmami poekhali i za kirpichom. Peregorodki budut stavit{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chert znaet, chto takoe!\\
~~Fedor. Vo vse kvartiry, Filipp Filippovichi, budut vselyat{p1}, krome vashe\u{i}.
Se\u{i}chas sobranie bylo, vybrali novoe tovarishchestvo, a prezhnikh -- v sheyu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto delaet$\!\,$sya. A\u{i}-ya\u{i}-ya\u{i}. Fit{p1}-- fit{p1}.\\
~~Sharik. Idu-s, pospeshyu. Bok, izvolite li videt{p1}, daet sebya znat{p1}.\\
\\
(Temnota. Smena kartiny.)\\
(Kvartira Filippa Filippovicha. Prikhozhaya. Vysokoe zerkalo. Sto\u{i}ka s zontami.
Na stene zakrepleno chuchelo sovy, olen{p1}i roga. Veshalka s shubami.
Sto\u{i}ka s galoshami.)\\
~~Zina. Gde zh vy takogo vzyali, Filipp Filippovich! (pomogla F.F. snyat{p1} shubu
na cherno-buro\u{i} lise) Batyushki, do chego parshiby\u{i}.\\
~~Pes. Ya ne parshivy\u{i}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vzdor govorish{p1}! Gde parshivy\u{i}?\\
(Po snyatii shuby on okazalsya v chernom kostyume s zoloto\u{i} tsep{p1}yu na
zhivote.)\\
~~Pes. {E1}to ne parsh! ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pogodi-ka ne vertis{p1}, durak. Gm ... {E1}to ne parsh ... da
sto\u{i} ty, chert ... {E1}to ozhog.\\
~~Pes. Povar, katorzhnik povar!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina, v smotrovuyu ego se\u{i}chas zhe i mne khalat.\\
(I udalilsya)\\
~~Zina. Sto\u{i} zdes{p1}, Sharik, ya tebe khot{p1} lapy obotru.\\
(I tozhe ubezhala. I Pes ostalsya odin i nemedlenno podnyal nogu okolo
korziny s trostyami i zontami. Odna iz troste\u{i} byla ukrashena medno\u{i}
nashlepko\u{i} s bukvami)\\
~~Pes. Kto {e1}to? Kto on? Bog? (Khvataet trost{p1} i chitaet bukvy.) Iz
tysyachi moskovskikh psov tol{p1}ko sovershenne\u{i}shi\u{i} idiot ne smozhet
iz bukv slozhit{p1} slovo. Pivo-P{p1}. Ryva-R{p1}. Orgkomitet-O. Pro ... Dal{p1}she
puzataya dryan{p1} dvubokaya neizvestno chto oboznachaet ... Maso-m{p1}? Net.
Syry-S{p1}! Vse ne to ... Gastronomiya-G{p1}? Vina-V{p1}? Eliseevy brat{p1}ya
byvshie-E? Vse ne to. P{p1}-{e1}r-o! Neuzhto proletari\u{i}? Net. Proletariem
zdes{p1} i ne pakhnet.\\
(Vernulas{p1} Zina v belom khalate i shapochke.)\\
~~Zina. Sharik! (Poshla na nego, rastopyriv ruki.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}(vkhodya). Zina, v smotrovuyu ego! Sto\u{i}, skotina!\\
~~Pes. Ponimayu! {E1}to menya v sobach{p1}yu lechebnitsu zamanili. Chert by
menya pobral s ikh kolbaso\u{i}!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Zina, derzhi ego za shivorot.\\
~~Zina. Ya voz{p1}mu ego za shivorot ...\\
~~Pes. Se\u{i}chas kastorku zastavyat zhrat{p1}.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. ... za shivorot!\\
~~Zina. Za shivorot ...\\
~~Pes. Ves{p1} bok, izrezhut nozhnitsami, ne damsya!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Zina, pod\u{i}di i voz{p1}mi ego za shovorot!\\
~~Zina. Ya voz{p1}mu ego za shivorot, kogla smogu podo\u{i}ti.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Tak podo\u{i}di, Zina i voz{p1}mi ego za shivorot.\\
~~Zina. Ya voz{p1}mu za shivorot, koda smogu podo\u{i}ti.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Podo\u{i}di, Zina, i voz{p1}mi ego za shivorot.\\
~~Zina. Ya voz{p1}mu za shivorot, koda smogu podo\u{i}ti.\\
(Pes vtsepilsya Bormentalyu v nogu.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Nu vot i vse.\\
(Voshel F. F.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, delo v tom, chto my ne uspeli ... Ya
govoryu Zine, Zina, podo\u{i}di i voz{p1}mi ego za shivorot.\\
~~Zina. A ya govoryu: ya voz{p1}mu ego za shivorot, kogda smogu podo\u{i}ti.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Tak vot on smog, a my ne uspeli i teper{p1} ya ...\\
~~Zina. Tyapnuty\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (Shariku). Golubchik ... A chto ty tak ... Aga.
Ponyatno ... Dar{p1}ya Petrovna!\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Zdes{p1} Dar{p1}ya Petrovna.\\
~~Pes. Povar popadat$\!\,$sya razny\u{i} ... Ponyatno ... Unosite ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Bormentalyu) Ostav{p1}te, golubchik. Zina ... Fedor!\\
~~Fedor. Vse.\\
(Unosyat psa.)\\
~~Pes. Proshcha\u{i}, Moskva! Idu v ra\u{i} za sobach{p1}e dolgoterpenie! Brattsy!
Zhivodery! Za chto vy menya?! Vse Izdokh!\\
\\
~~Pes. Vse-taki otdelali, sukiny deti. No lovko.\\
(Otkryl oba glaza i uvidel tyapnutogo Bormentalya mazavshego iodom
goluyu kolen{p1}.)\\
~~Pes. Moya rabota. Nu, budut drat{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ty zachem, brodyaga, doktora ukusil?\\
~~Pes. U-u-u-u-\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Mne sovershenno ne bol{p1}no. Sovershenno nichego strashnogo.
Odnako, Filipp Filippovich, kak vam udalos{p1} podmanit{p1} takogo nervnogo psa?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lasko\u{i}-s, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich. Pes-to brodyachi\u{i} ...
brodyachi\u{i} pes ... Zina! ...\\
(delaet Bormentalyu ukol)\\
~~Pes. Net. {E1}to ne sobach{p1}ya lechebnitsa.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lasko\u{i}, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich. Edinstvennym
sposobom, kotory\u{i} vozmozhen v obshchenii s zhivym sushchestvom. Terrorom na
nego nikak ne vozde\u{i}stvuesh{p1}, na kako\u{i} stupeni razvitiya ono ni stoyalo
by. {E1}to ya utverzhdal, utverzhdayu i budu utverzhdat{p1}. Net-ne pomozhet,
kako\u{i} by on ni byl: bely\u{i} ili krasny\u{i} ili korichnevy\u{i}. {E1}to ponyatno?
Terror sovershenno paralizuet nervnuyu sistemu i khvatit ob {e1}tom! Zina,
ya kupil {e1}tomu prokhvostu krakovsko\u{i} kolbasy na odin rubl{p1} 40 kopeek.
Potrudites{p1}, detochka, nakormit{p1} ego.\\
~~Zina. Krakovsko\u{i}! Gospodi! Da emu obrezkov nuzhno bylo kupit{p1} na
dvugrivenny\u{i}. A krakovskuyu ya sama luchshe s{p2}em.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vzroslaya devushka, a kak rebenok tashchit v rot
vsyakuyu gadost{p1}. Preduprezhdayu, Zina, ni ya, ni doktor Bormental{p1} ne
budem s tobo\u{i} vozit{p1}sya, kogda u tebya zhivot skhvatit.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. {E1}to otrava!\\
~~Fedor. Dlya cheloveka.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da. Kolbasu proshu syuda.\\
~~Pes. I nemedlenno! I sovu {e1}tu my raz{p2}yasnim.\\
(Zina prinesla kolbasu, i Pes proglotil ee.)\\
(Fedor zamakhnulsya.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zhivuch sobachi\u{i} dukh! Mensano in korporo sane.
Fedor!\\
~~Fedor. Ya ponyal, Filipp Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, teper{p1} bud{p1}te
osobenno vnimatel{p1}ny. Nam nuzhen khroshi\u{i} trup.\\
~~Fedor. Ya po\u{i}du, Filipp Filippovich ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Khoroshi\u{i} trup.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, vy znaete, ya radi vas, ya ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ostav{p1}te, golubchik. Kak tol{p1}ko podkhodyashchaya
smert{p1}, totchas so stola, v pitatel{p1}nuyu zhidkost{p1} i ko mne.\\
~~Pes. Gospodi, do chego zh khorosho. No, kakogo cherta ya emu
ponadobilsya? Emu tol{p1}ko glazom morgnut{p1}, on by takim psom obzavelsya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Khoroshi\u{i} trup.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Patologoanatomy mne obeshchali.\\
~~Pes. A vdrug {e1}to son? Prosnus{p1} i net nichego. Ni tepla, ni sytosti.
Opyat{p1} nachnet$\!\,$sya podvorotnya, oledenevshi\u{i} asfal{p1}t, golod,
zlye lyudi, stolovaya ... Bozhe, kak tyazhelo mne budet.\\
~~Zina. Patsienty!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Patsienty. Chto zh, nachnem priem.\\
(Zina i Bormental{p1} vyshli)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sharik, ko mne. Bodvan! Nu chto ty delaesh{p1}!\\
(Zina i Fedor vvodili)\\
~~Zina. Fillipp Filippovich, oni ne bol{p1}no\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pochemu propustil? Gnat{p1}!!!\\
~~Fedor. Skazali, mandat.\\
(I podal bumagu. Filipp Filippovich prochital i zadokhnulsya ot yarosti)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu-ka, syuda ego s mandatom!\\
(Poyavilsya Molodo\u{i} Chelovek)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto vam nado?! Ved{p1} vam skazali, chto ya zanyat!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Ya se\u{i}chas! Se\u{i}chas! Prostite, professor, chto
otnimayu vashe dragotsennoe vremya. No nasha gazeta trebuet ob{p2}yasneni\u{i}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya ne obyazan davat{p1} ob{p2}yasneniya!\\
~~Pes. Nikomu! Uu!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Dobry\u{i} den{p1}, professor, zdravstvu\u{i}te. Nad chem
vy rabotaem?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya ne nameren nichego opublikovyvat{p1}, poka ne konchu raboty!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Verno li, chto vy otkryli luchi novo\u{i} zhizni?\\
(Molodo\u{i} Chelovek povtoryaet za F. F. i zapisyvaet.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Po\u{i}mite vy vse. Luch eshche ne issledovan! Vozmozhno,
molodo\u{i} chelovek ... issledovan ... on povyshaet
zhizne-\\
de$\!\,$yatel{p1}nost{p1} protoplazmy ... \\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Vo skol{p1}ko raz?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (krichit). V tysyachu raz!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. V tysyachu raz! Pravda li, chto vy vozvrashchaete svoim
patsientam molodost{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (krichit). Da. Vechnuyu molodost{p1}!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Vy otkryli bessmertie?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Otkryl!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. {E1}to vyzovet perevorot v nashem zhivotnovodstve.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. V vashem nemedlenno vyzovet!!! Nu, chto vam eshche ot menya
nuzhno?\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Vashu fotograficheskuyu kartochku.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto?! Moyu kartochku? V vashi gazety? Ya zhe po vashemu litsu
vizhu, chto vy napechataete kakuyu-to merzost{p1}!\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Professor, Vy obyasany oznakomit{p1}...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich ... \\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Professor, vy obyazany oznakomit{p1} moskovski\u{i}
proletariat ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya nichem nikomu ne obyazan! A
teper{p1} potrudites{p1} ubrat{p1}sya von i ne meshat{p1} bol{p1}she
mne rabotat{p1}!!!\\
~~Pes. Razreshite ukusit{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fedor! Uvesti.\\
~~Fedor. Nam nuzhen khoroshi\u{i} trup.\\
~~Molodo\u{i} Chelovek. Ya budu zhalovat{p1}sya (khvatit portret Mendeleeva i
ubegaet.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. {E1}to zhe Mendeleev! ... Nu vot unes Mendeleeva ... \\
(Poyavilas{p1} Zina.)\\
~~Zina. Opyat{p1} ne bol{p1}no\u{i}. Govoryat, naznacheno.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kem naznacheno? Kem naznacheno, chert voz{p1}mi!\\
~~Pes. Net, {e1}to ne son.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Nemetski) Chert voz{p1}mi.\\
~~Pes. Ya emu nuzhen!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Nemetski) Chert voz{p1}mi.\\
~~Pes. I ne slucha\u{i}no ya zdes{p1}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu tak idite i ... Fedor!\\
~~Pes. Ochen{p1} vozmozhno, chto moya babushka sogreshila s vodolazom. U
menya na morde beloe pyatno. A, mozhet byt{p1}, ya -- krasavets. Professor
chelovek so vkusom ... on ne voz{p1}met pervogo popavshegosya. A sovu my
raz{p2}yasnim.\\
(Voshel gospodin s monoklem.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sharikuk. Ko mne!\\
~~Gospodin. Sharik ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chem mogu sluzhit{p1}?\\
~~Gospodin. Gospodin professor, pozvolit mne zakurit{p1} sigaru?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pozvolit.\\
~~Gospodin. Bravo, bravo! I prisedat{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Proshu sadit{p1}sya.\\
~~Fedor. (vkhodya) Filipp Filippovich, tam nikogo net.\\
~~Fillp Filippovich. Zato zdes{p1} est{p1} gospodin. Fedor, vy svobodny.\\
~~Fedor. (ukhodya) Nu vse ... Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich! Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich!\\
~~Gospodin. Ya konechno ponimayu, gospodin-professor chrezvychaino zanyat.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da, ya zanyat ...\\
~~Gospodin. Vremya -- den{p1}gi!!! Prostite. V mirovykh gorodakh uzhe vse izvestno
naschet lucha.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kakogo lucha?\\
~~Gospodin. Professor izobrel luch novo\u{i} zhizni?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da. Kako\u{i} tako\u{i} zhizni! {E1}to vydumki gazetchikov.\\
~~Gospodin. Skromnost{p1}~-- istinnoe ukrashenie vsekh nastoyashchikh uchenykh.
Imya ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}.\\
~~Gospodin. Povtoryaet ves{p1} mir. Ves{p1} mir sledit za raboto\u{i}
professora, zataiv dykhanie. No vsem izvestno takzhe kak tyazhko polozhenie
uchenykh v Sovet$\!\,$sko\u{i} Rossii.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Milostivy\u{i} gosudar{p1}!\\
~~Gospodin. Antr nu sua di ... Zdes{p1} nikogo net postoronnikh?\\
~~Pes. Net.\\
~~Gospodin. Uvy, zdes{p1} ne umeyut tsenit{p1} uchenye trudy. Mne by
khotelos{p1} peregovorit{p1} s professorom. Odno inostrannoe gosudarstvo
predlagaet professoru sovershenno beskorystno pomoch{p1} v ego laboratornykh
rabotakh.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dych!\\
~~Gospodin. Zachem, zachem metat{p1} biser, kak govorit$\!\,$sya v svyashchennom
picanii? Gosudarstvu izvestno, kak tyazhko prishlos{p1} professoru v 19 i
20 godu vo vremya {e1}to\u{i} khi-khi ... revolyutsii. Nu, konechno, strogaya
ta\u{i}na. Gosudarstvu izvestno, chto professor vynuzhden zarabatyvat{p1} den{p1}gi
dlya {e1}ksperimentov chastno\u{i} praktiko\u{i}, vozvrashchaya molodost{p1} merzkim
slastolyubtsam i uvyadshim damam. Koroche -- professor znakomit gosudarstvo s
rezul{p1}tatami svoe\u{i} raboty, gosudarstvo v svoyu ochered{p1} finansiruet
professora. Kako\u{i}-nibud{p1} pustyak, 5000 ruble\u{i}, naprimer, zadatku,
professor mozhet poluchit{p1} siyu zhe minutu, i raspiski ne nado ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (strashno krichit) Von!!! Von!!! Von!!!\\
(Gospodin isparilsya i vbezhali ispugannye Bormental{p1} i Zina s kaloshami v rukakh.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Ego kaloshi!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Oni zabyli.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vykinut{p1} kaloshi von!!!\\
~~Zina. A esli oni pridut za nimi?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sdat{p1} ikh v zhiltovarishchestvo! Pod raspisku!\\
~~Fedor. Ne dam!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. V komitet! Pust{p1} primut shpionskie kaloshi!\\
~~Fedor. Ne dam! Ne dam! Ne dam!\\
(Zina i Bormental{p1} unesli kaloshi. Professor ne mog uspokoit{p1}sya i
skhvatil telefonnuyu trubku.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da\u{i}te ... Da\u{i}te mne {e1}tu, kak ee, Lubyanku.
Mersi ... Komu tut u vas nado skazat{p1}... u menya v kvartire kakie-to
podozritel{p1}nye sub{p2}ekty v kaloshakh khodyat, da ... Professor
Preobrazhenski\u{i}.\\
(Vbezhala Zina.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sdali?\\
~~Fedor. Ne uspeli ...\\
~~Zina. Oni sami prishli.\\
~~Pes. Kaloshi?!\\
~~Zina. Zhiltovarishchi.\\
~~(Voshli Shvonder, Voznesenskaya i Pestrukhin.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. V chem delo, gospoda?\\
~~Voznesenskaya. (Pokhozhaya v shtanakh, kepke i pidzhake na yunoshu) Po-
pervykh, my ne gospoda, a tovarishchi.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kakaya raznitsa, tovarishchi?\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Ya -- zhenshchina.\\
(I sil{p1}no pokrasnela. Vsled za neyu pokrasnel guste\u{i}shim obrazom
Pestrukhin -- blondin v papakhe.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. V takom sluchae, vy mozhete ostavat{p1}sya v kepke, a
vas, milostivy\u{i} gosudar{p1} ya poproshu snyat{p1} vash golovno\u{i} ubor.\\
(Fedor snyal s golovy Pestrukhina papakhu.)\\
~~Shvonder. My prishli k vam ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Prezhde vsego, kto {e1}to my?\\
~~Shvonder. My -- novoe domoupravlenie nashego doma. Ya -- Shvonder, ona
Voznesenskaya, on -- tovarishch Pestukhin. I vot my ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. {E1}to vas vselili v kvartiru Vasiliya Pavlovicha?\\
~~Shvonder. Nas.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (v otchayanii) Bozhe, propal nash dom!\\
~~Shvonder. Vy smeetes{p1}, professor?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kakoe tam smeyus{p1}? Ya v polnom otchayanii. Chto
teper{p1} budet s parovym otopleniem?\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Vy izdevaetes{p1}, professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ni v koem sluchae ... Po kakomu delu vy prishli
ko mne? Govorite, kak mozhno skoree, ya se\u{i}chas idu obedat{p1}.\\
~~Shvonder. My, upravlenie nashego doma, prishli k vam posle obshchego
sobraniya nashego doma, na kotorom stoyal vopros ob uplotnenii kvartir
nashego doma ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kto na kom stayal? Potrudites{p1} izlagat{p1} vashi mysli
yasnee.\\
~~Shvonder. Vopros stoyal ob uplotnenii.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Dovol{p1}no. Ya vas ponyal. Vam izvestno, chto
postanovleniem ot 12 avgusta sego goda moya kvartira osvobozhdena ot
uplotneni\u{i}.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Izvestno!\\
~~Shvonder. Professor, nam vse izvestno. No nashe sobranie proshlo k
zaklyucheniyu, chto v obshchem i tselom vy zanimaete chrezmernuyu ploshchad{p1}.\\
~~Pestrukhin i Voznesenskaya. Sovershenno chrezmernuyu.\\
~~Shvonder. Vy odin zhivete v semi komnatakh.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da, ya odin zhivu i rabotayu v semi komnatakh i
zhelal by imet{p1} eshche vos{p1}muyu. Ona mne neobkhodima pod biblioteku.\\
(Troe onemeli.)\\
~~Pestrukhin. Vos{p1}muyu? {E1}khe-khe! Odnako, {e1}to zdorovo!\\
~~Voznesenskaya. {E1}to neopisuemo!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. U menya priemnaya, zamet{p1}te, ona zhe biblioteka,
stolovaya, mo\u{i} kabinet -- 3, smotrovaya -- 4, operatsionnaya -- 5, moya
spal{p1}nya -- 6, komnata dlya prislugi -- 7, i razgovoru konets. Mogu ya
idti obedat{p1}?\\
~~Pestrukhin. Net ... Izvinyayus{p1}... \\
~~Voznesenskaya. Izvinite! \\
~~Shvonder. Izvinyayus{p1}, vot imenno po povodu stolovo\u{i} my prishli
pogovorit{p1}, professor. Obshchee sobranie prosit vas dobrovol{p1}no v
poryadke trudovo\u{i} distsipliny, otkazat{p1}sya ot stolovo\u{i}. Stolovykh
ni u kogo v Moskve net.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Dazhe u A\u{i}sedory Dunkan.\\
~~Shvonder. I ot smotrovo\u{i} tozhe. Smotrovuyu prekrasno mozhno
soedinit{p1} s kabinetom.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A gde ya dolzhen prinimat{p1} p{p1}shchu?\\
~~Vse Troe (khorom). V spal{p1}ne.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Forzintekh, Filipp Filippovich.!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya spokoen Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich! V spal{p1}ne
prinimat{p1} pishchu, operirovat{p1} v komnate prislugi, a v stolovo\u{i}
osmatrivat{p1}? Ochen{p1} vozmozhno, chto A\u{i}sedora Dunkan
imenno tak i delaet. No ya ne A\u{i}sedora Dunkan! ... Ya budu obedat{p1} v stolovo\u{i},
a operirovat{p1} v operatsionno\u{i}. Pereda\u{i}te {e1}to svoemu obshchemu sobraniyu.\\
~~Shvonder. Togda, professor, vvidu vashego upornogo protivode\u{i}stviya,
my podadim na vas zhalovu v vysshie instantsii.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Aga, tak? (i golos ego prinyal vezhlivy\u{i}, podozritel{p1}ny\u{i}
ottenok) Odnu minutochku poproshu vas podozhdat{p1}.\\
~~Shvonder. My podozhdem.\\
~~Pes. Vot {e1}to paren{p1}! Ves{p1} v menya. Okh, i tyanet on ikh se\u{i}chas, okh,
tyanet ...\\
(Filipp Filippovich snyal trubku s telefona.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Petra Aleksandrovicha, pozhalu\u{i}sta -- professor
Preobrazhenski\u{i}.\\
~~Pes. {E1}togo golenastogo vzyat{p1} se\u{i}chas povyshe sapoga za podkolennoe
sukhozhilie ... r-r-r ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Professor Preoblazhenski\u{i}. Petr Aleksandrovich. Ochen{p1} rad,
chto zastal vas. Blagodaryu, zdorob. Petr Aleksandrovich, vasha operatsiya
otmenyaet$\!\,$sya. Ravno, kak i vse drugie operatsii. Ya prekrashchayu rabotu v Moskve i
voobshche v Rossii. Se\u{i}chas ko mne voshli troe, iz nikh odna zhenshchina, pereodetaya
muzhchino\u{i}, i dvoe vooruzhennykh revol{p1}verami i terrorizirovali menya v kvartire
s tsel{p1}yu otnyat{p1} chast{p1} ee ... \\
~~Shvonder. Pozvol{p1}te, professor ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Drugimi slovami, oni mne predlozhili otkazat{p1}sya ot
smotrovo\u{i}, to est{p1} operirovat{p1} vas tam, gde ya do sikh por rezal
krolikov. V takikh usloviyakh ya ne mogu i ne imeyu prava rabotat{p1}. Po{e1}tomu
ya prekrashchayu svoyu deyatel{p1}nost{p1}, zakryvayu kvartru i uezzhayu v
Sochi. Klyuchi mogu peredat{p1} Shvonderu. Pust{p1} on operiruet.\\
(Troe zastyli.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto zhe delat{p1}? Mne samomu nepriyatno ... Kak?
O, net, Petr Aleksandrovich! Bol{p1}she ya tak ne soglasen. Terpenie moe
lopnulo. {E1}to uzhe vtoro\u{i} slucha\u{i} s avgusta mesyatsa. Kak? Gm ... No
tot ne odno uslovie: kak ugodno, chto ugodno, kogda ugodno, no chtoby
{e1}to byla takaya bronya, pri nalichii kotoro\u{i} ni Shvonder, ni kto drugo\u{i}
ne mog by podo\u{i}ti k dveryam moe\u{i} kvartiry. Vse! Koncheno. Ya dlya nikh
umer ... Nu, {e1}to drugoe delo ... Khorosho. Se\u{i}chas peredayu trubku. Bud{p1}te
lyubezny. Se\u{i}chas s vami budut govorit{p1}.\\
~~Shvonder. Professor, vy izvratili nashi slova.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vas ya poproshu ne upotreblyat{p1} takikh vyrazheni\u{i}.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Spoko\u{i}no, tovarishch!\\
~~Shvonder. (rasteryanno vzyal trubku) Slushayu ... Da. Predsedatel{p1} domkoma
... No my zhe de\u{i}stvovali po pravilam.\\
~~Pestrukhin. Skazhite -- pyat{p1} komnat khoteli ostavit{p1}...\\
~~Shvonder. Podozhdi! Net, net, {e1}to ya ne vam. Nam izvestno o trudakh professora.\\
~~Pestrukhin. ... Pyat{p1} komnat khoteli ostavit{p1}.\\
~~Shvonder. Da podozhlite! Net, ne vam! U professora i tak isklyuchitel{p1}noe
polozhenie (voznesenskaya, Pestrukhin perebivayut) Nu, podozhdite! Net, net!
{e1}to ya ne vam.\\
~~Pestrukhin. Pust{p1} est v spal{p1}ne!! Pust{p1} est v spal{p1}ne!\\
~~Shvonder. Kto ya? ... {E1}to kako\u{i}-to pozor ...\\
~~Pes. Vot opleval, tak opleval! Mozhete bit{p1} menya kak ugodno, tol{p1}ko
ya ne u\u{i}du ot$\!\,$syuda!\\
(Pestrukhin i Voznesenskaya smotreli na oplevannogo Shvondera.)\\
~~Pes. Tovarishch! Spoko\u{i}no, tovarishch!\\
~~Shvonder. {E1}to kako\u{i}-to pozor.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Esli by se\u{i}chas byla diskussiya, ya by dokazla Petru
Aleksandrovichu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vinovat, vy siyu minutu khotite otkryt{p1} {e1}tu diskussiyu?\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Ya ponimayu vashu ironiyu, doktor, my se\u{i}chas u\u{i}dem.
tol{p1}ko ya, kak zaveduyushchi\u{i}, kul{p1}totdelom doma ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Za-ve-duyushchaya.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Nu da ... Khochu predlozhit{p1} vam (ona iz-za pazukhi
vytashchila neskol{p1}ko yarkikh zhurnalov) vzyat{p1} neskol{p1}ko zhurnalov
v pol{p1}zu dete\u{i} Germanii. Po poltinniku shtuka.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net, ne voz{p1}mu.\\
(Sovershennoe izumlenie vyrazilos{p1} na litsakh.)\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Pochemu vy otkazyvaetes{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ne khochu.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Vy ne sochuvstvuete detyam Germanii?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ochen{p1} sochuvstvuyu.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Zhaleete poltinnik?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Tak pochemu ne?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ne khochu.\\
(Pomolchali.)\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Znaete, professor, esli by vy ne byli evrope\u{i}skim
svetilom, i za vas ne zastupalis{p1} samym vozmutitel{p1}nym obrazom
(Pestrukhin dernul ee za kra\u{i} kurtki, no ona otmakhnulas{p1}.) litsa,
kotorym, ya uverena, my eshche ras{p2}yasnim ... vas sledovalo by arestovat{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (s lyubopyt$\!\,$stvom) A za chto?\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Vy nenavistnik proletariata.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (teryaya terpenie, krichit) Da, ya ne lyublyu proletariata!\\
(Poyavilis{p1} troe v skromnykh frenchakh.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Luvyanka.\\
~~Voznesenskaya (radstno). Zdravstvu\u{i}te, tovarishchi!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. U vas v kvartire kakie-to postoronnie sub{p2}ekty v kaloshakh
khodyat, Filipp Filippovich? {E1}to Sharik, {e1}to ponyatno, a {e1}to kto?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ne znayu. Vorvalis{p1}.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. My upravlenie doma.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu da, {e1}to nashe novoe domoupravlenie ... \\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Budut ponyatymi, Filipp Filippovich, gde kaloshi?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vot oni.\\
~~Vtoro\u{i}. My {e1}ti kaloshi izymaem v prisut$\!\,$stvii ponyatykh (Vzyal kaloshi,
zavernul ikh v gazetnuyu bumagu i unes.)\\
~~Shvonder. Tovarishchi, ya, kak predsedatel{p1} domkoma ... {E1}to kako\u{i}-to
pozor! ... \\
~~Pervy\u{i} (ne obrashchaya na nego vnimaniya). Filipp Filippovich, vy mogli
by opisat{p1} naruzhnost{p1} vashego gostya?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A chert ego znaet. Protivnaya fizionomiya.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Fizionomiya protivnaya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Degenerat.\\
~~Treti\u{i}. Glaz u nego ne steklyanny\u{i}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net, ne steklyanny\u{i}. Begayut glaza.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Glaza begayut ... On.\\
~~Treti\u{i}. On ne dast bez raspistki. On pokrupnee.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Skazhite pozhalu\u{i}sta, chto {e1}to za kanal{p1}ya u menya byla?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Melki\u{i} aferist. Odnako prosim sobytiya segodnyashnego vechera
derzhat{p1} v polno\u{i} ta\u{i}ne. Bol{p1}she vas nikto ne potrebozhit, ni v klinike,
ni doma. My zdes{p1} dlya togo, chtoby izbavit{p1} vas ot nazo\u{i}livykh
posetitele\u{i}. U dvere\u{i} vashego doma budet ustanovleno kruglosutochnoe
dezhurstvo. Ya povtoryayu ... dlya tovarishcha Bormentalya ... Ivana ...\\
~~Treti\u{i}. Arnol{p1}dovicha.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. My zdes{p1} dlya togo, chtoby izbavit{p1} vas ot nazo\u{i}livykh
posetitele\u{i}. Vsego dobrogo!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Blagodaryu vas, gospoda. A nel{p1}zya li, chtoby
reporterov rasstrelyali?\\
(Vse chrezvycha\u{i}no razveselilis{p1}.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. {E1}to nevozmozhno. Eshche raz vsego khoroshego.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Eshche raz blagodaryu vas, gospoda.\\
(Vse udalilis{p1}.)\\
(Voshli Dar{p1}ya Petrovna, Zina.)\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna i Zina. Kushat{p1} podano.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, proshu! ... {E1}to ono?\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Ono.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, umolyayu vas mgnovenno {e1}tu
shtuchku! I esli vy skazhete, chto {e1}to plokho, ya -- vash vrag na vsyu zhizn{p1}...
{E1}to plokho? {E1}to plokho?\\
(On predlozhil Bormentalyu zakusku, nalil vina i glaza ego zasvetilis{p1}.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. {E1}to bespodobno.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Na, Sharik, poducha\u{i}! (Na konchike vilki on podal
Psu zakusku, prinyatuyu tem s fokusno\u{i} lovkost{p1}yu.)\\
~~Zina. Psa v stolovo\u{i} prikarmlivaete, a potom ego ot$\!\,$syuda kalachom ne
vymanish{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nichego, bednyaga nagolodalsya. Zamet{p1}te, Ivan
Arnol{p1}dovich, kholodnymi zakuskami i supom zakusyvayut tol{p1}ko
nedorezannye bol{p1}shevikami pomeshchkami. Uvazhayushchi\u{i} sebya chelovek
operiruet zakuskami goryachimi. Est{p1}, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, nado umet{p1}.
Bol{p1}shinstvo lyude\u{i} vovse ne umeyut est{p1}. Nuzhno znat{p1} ne tol{p1}ko
chto est{p1}, no kogda i gde. I chto pri {e1}tom govorit{p1}. O chem govorit{p1} za
osetrino\u{i}, o chem za rostbifom.\\
(On vstal iz-za stola, proshel v perednyuyu, otkryl dver{p1} na
lestnichnuyu ploshchadku i obratilsya k pryatavshemusya tam Tret{p1}emu cheloveku
vo frenche.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik ... A chto vy zdes{p1} budete est{p1}?\\
~~Treti\u{i}. Ne bespoko\u{i}tes{p1}, professor, my zdes{p1} budem smenyat{p1}sya.
Vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Odnako, golubchik, u vas zdorovo postavleno delo.
(vernulsya k stolu) I mo\u{i} vam sovet, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, ne govorite za
stolom o politike ...\\
(poyavilsya Gospodin)\\
~~Gospodin. 50 tysyach, professor!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Von! Von! Von!\\
(Gospodin ischez.)\\
~~Treti\u{i}. Professor, vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Prositite, golubchik. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, ne
govorite za obedom o politike i meditsine tozhe ... I ne chita\u{i}te do
obeda gazet. Ya provel 30 nablyudeni\u{i} v klinike. U chitayushchikh gazety
ponizhennye kolennye refleksy i poterya appetita.\\
(Naverkhu zapel khor.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina, a {e1}to chto takoe oboznachaet?\\
~~Zina. {E1}to? {E1}to ... Opyat{p1} obshchee sobranie sdelali, Filipp Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Opyat{p1}. Nu, teper{p1} vse budet, kak po maslu. V
nachale v sortirakh zamerznut truby, potom lopnet kotel v parovom
otoplenii i tak dalee. A ved{p1} kako\u{i} dom byl!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vy slishkom mrachno smotrite na veshchi. Oni teper{p1} rezko
izmenilis{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik, ya vrag, ya vrag neobosnovannykh gipotez.
Ya chelovek faktov. Kstati, {e1}to khorosho izvestno ne tol{p1}ko v Rossii, no
i v Evrope. Esli ya chto-nibud{p1} govoryu, to {e1}to znachit, v osnobe lezhit
neki\u{i} fakt, iz kotorogo ya delayu vyvod. I vot {e1}tot fakt: kaloshnaya
sto\u{i}ka v nashem dome.\\
~~Bormenta{p1}. {E1}to interesno ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. S 1903 goda ya zhivu v {e1}tom dome. I vot na
protyazhenii {e1}togo vremeni ne bylo ni odnogo sluchaya -- podcherkivayu
krasnym karandashom "ni odnogo sluchaya" -- chtoby iz nashego paradnogo
ischezli vse kaloshi, tri palki, pal{p1}to i samovar u shve\u{i}tsara.
Pravil{p1}no? Pravil{p1}no. Golubchik, ya ne govoryu uzhe o parovom otoplenii.
Pust{p1}: raz sotsial{p1}naya revolyutsiya -- ne nado topit{p1}. Nu ne nado, ne
nado! Ya tol{p1}ko khochu sprosit{p1}, pochemu kaloshi nado zapirat{p1} na zamok?
Pochemu ubrali kover s paradno\u{i} lestnitsy? Razve Karl Marks zapreshchaet
derzhat{p1} na lestnitse kovry? Razve gde-nibud{p1} u Karla Marksa skazano,
chto pod{p2}ezd sleduet zakolotit{p1} doskami i khodit{p1} krugom cherz cherny\u{i}
dvor? Komu {e1}to nuzhno? Pochemu proletari\u{i} ne mozhet ostavlyat{p1} svoi
kaloshi vnizu, a pachkaet mramor?\\
~~Bromental{p1} (robko). Da u nego, Filipp Filippovich, i vovse net kalosh.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nichego pokhozhego! Na nem teper{p1} est{p1} kaloshi, i
{e1}ti kaloshi -- moi. {E1}to kak raz te samye kaloshi! Sprashivaet$\!\,$sya, kto zhe
ikh poper? Ya? Ne mozhet byt{p1}. Burzhu\u{i} Vasili\u{i} Pavlovich? (F.F. tknu
pal{p1}tsem v potolok) {E1}to ved{p1} smeshno dazhe predpolagat{p1}. Kakogo cherta
ubrali tsvety s ploshchadok? I pochemu {e1}lektrichestvo, kotoroe, da\u{i} bog
pamyati, ne tukhlo v techenie 20 let, v tepereshnee vremya gasnet akkuratno
raz v mesyats?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Razrukha, Filipp Filippovich. Razrukha ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net? Net. Dorogo\u{i} Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich,
vozderzhites{p1} ot upotrebleniya {e1}togo slova razrukha. Chto takoe razrukha?
Ved{p1}ma, kotoraya vybila vse stekla i pogasila svet? Da ee vovse ne
sushchestvuet! Chto vy podrazumevaete pod {e1}tim slovom? (Yarostno
sprashival F.F. u sovy i sam zhe otvechal za nee). {E1}to vot chto: esli ya
v svoe\u{i} kvartire vmesto togo, chtoby operirovat{p1} nachnu u sebya pet{p1} khorom,
u menya nastupit razrukha. Esli ya, vkhodya v ubornuyu, izvinite za
vyrazhenie, nachnu mochit{p1}sya mimo unitaza, i to zhe samoe budut
delat{p1} Zina i vy, v uborno\u{i} nachnet$\!\,$sya razrukha. Sledovatel{p1}no razrukha v
golovakh, a ne v klozetakh. Kogda krichat: "Be\u{i} razrukhu", {e1}to
oboznachaet, chto kazhdy\u{i} dolzhen lupit{p1} sebya po zatylku. I vot, kogda on
vylupit iz sebya vsyakie gallyutsinatsii i za\u{i}met$\!\,$sya chistko\u{i} saraev --
pryamym svoim delom -- razrukha ischeznet sama sobo\u{i}!\\
~~Pes. (v vostorge) U-u-u, r-r-r!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto s tobo\u{i}?\\
~~Pes. Urrrrra!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vy govorite -- razrukha! Ya vam govoryu, doktor,
chto nichego ne izmenit$\!\,$sya v nashem dome, poka ne usmirite {e1}tikh pevtsov.
Lish{p1} tol{p1}ko oni prekratyat svoi kontserty, polozhenie samo sobo\u{i}
izmenit$\!\,$sya k luchshemu.\\
~~Pes. On by pryamo na mitingakh mog by den{p1}gi zarabatyvat{p1}. Vprochem,
u nego i tak, vidno, kury deneg ne klyuyut.\\
~~Bormental{p1} (shutlivo). Kontrrevolyutsionnye veshchi govorite, Filipp
Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nikako\u{i} kontrrevolyutsii v moikh slovakh net! V
nikh lish{p1} zdravy\u{i} smysl i zhiznennaya opytnost{p1}. Nichego
delat{p1} segodnya ne budem. Segodnya v Bol{p1}shom "Aida". A ya davno ne slyshal,
lyublyu ... Zina, odevat{p1}sya!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Kak {e1}to vy uspevaete, Filipp Filippovich?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Uspaevaet vsyudu tot, kto nikuda ne toropit$\!\,$sya.
Konechno, esli by ya stal ezdit{p1} po zasedaniyam i raspevat{p1} kak solove\u{i},
ya by nikuda ne pospel. Ya storonnik razdeleniya truda. V Bol{p1}shom pust{p1} poyut,
a ya budu operirovat{p1}. Vot i khorosho. I nikakikh razrukh. Sharik, podi syuda.\\
(Pes podpolz. I Filipp Filippovich iz steklyannogo shkafa, gde v
bankakh plavali chelovecheskie mozgi, dostal shiroki\u{i} blestyashchi\u{i} oshe\u{i}nik
i nedel na Psa. I oni s Bormentalem ushli, ostaviv Psa odnogo.)\\
~~Pes. Oshe\u{i}nik ... (Obrashchayas{p1} k sebe) {E1}to znachit -- navsegda!
Oshe\u{i}nik -- {e1}to vse ravno chto portfel{p1}! U menya khozyain! Khozyain v
chernoburo\u{i} lise sverkayushche\u{i} millionami snezhnykh blestok, pakhnushchi\u{i}
mandarinami, benzinom, sigarami, dukhami, odekolonom, suknom! Golos
ego, kak komandnaya truba raznosit$\!\,$sya po vsemu domu! Ya vytashchil samy\u{i}
glavny\u{i} sobachi\u{i} bilet! Ya zdes{p1} zhivu!!! Mne vycheshut blokh! Menya
lyubyat!!! Menya baluyut! Ya mogu zhevat{p1} ego shtany, kusat{p1} ego botinki i
on mne vse prostit, potmu chto on ochen{p1} khoroshi\u{i} chelovek, mag i volshebnik iz
sobach{p1}e\u{i} skazki. O, luchi novo\u{i} zhizni! Mo\u{i} bok zazhil! O,
khozyain! O, kak ya budu lyubit{p1} ego!\\
(Prekrasny\u{i} zhenski\u{i} golos zapel operu.)\\
\\
(Voshel Filipp Filippovich.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zachem ty, sviniya, sovu izodral? (I nadel bely\u{i}
khalat.)\\
~~Zina. Ya narochno ne ubirala, Filipp Filippovich, chtob vy
polyubovalis{p1}. (I tozhe nadela khalat.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zachem shtany el? Zachem professora Mechnikova
razbil? (I nadel bely\u{i} kalpak napominayushchi\u{i} patriarshi\u{i} kukol{p1}.)\\
~~Zina. (laskovo) Ego, Filipp Filippovich, khlystom nado, a to sovsem
izbalovalsya. (I nadela beluyu shpochku.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nikogo drat{p1} nel{p1}zya, zapomni {e1}to raz i navsegda.\\
(I s pomoshch{p1}yu Ziny nadel poverkh khalata uzki\u{i} rezinovy\u{i} fartuk, a na
ruki rezinovye perchatki.)\\
~~Zina. On za nedelyu ves{p1} dom obozhral. Ya udivlyayus{p1}, kak on ne
lopnet. (I raskryla operatsionny\u{i} stol.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zapomni, na cheloveka i zhivotnoe mozhno
de\u{i}stvovat{p1} tol{p1}ko vnusheniem.\\
(Zina vklyuchila yarcha\u{i}shuyu lampu. Poyavilis{p1} Bormental{p1} i shve\u{i}tsar
Fedor, tashchivshie vdvoem bol{p1}sho\u{i} chemodan.)\\
~~Zina. Ya ponyala.\\
~~Pes. Chto {e1}to s nimi segodnya? Zachem khalaty? Ved{p1} bok zazhil. Ubegu!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Trup, Filipp Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kogda umer?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Tri chasa nazad.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Nadevaya marlevuyu masku i rastopyrivaya rezinobye
pal{p1}tsy.) Otlichno-s.\\
~~Pes. A kuda bezhat{p1}? Ya barski\u{i} pes, intelligentnoe sushchstvo,
otvedal luchshe\u{i} zhizni.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Tol{p1}ko ne volnu\u{i}te psa.\\
~~Pes. Da i chto takoe volya? Dym, mirazh, fiktsiya, bred zloschastnykh
demokratov.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Na stol ego ... Na stol ego.\\
~~Pes. Vas chetvero. Berite, esli khotite. Tol{p1}ko stydno vam! Glaza
u vas begayut! Pakostnoe delo zadumali! Stydno!!\\
(I poekhal nogami po skol{p1}komu parketu krepko skhvachenny\u{i}
Bormentalem, Fedorom i Zino\u{i}. I zatikh na stole pristegnuty\u{i} remnyami s
vato\u{i} na nosu, prilozhenno\u{i} Bormentalem.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vse dvrti zaperet{p1}, k telefonu ne podkhodit{p1},
nikogo ne puskat{p1}!\\
~~Fedor. Slushayus{p1}, Filipp Filippovich. (I pospeshno retirovalsya.)\\
~~Zina. (nakryuv Psa prostyne\u{i}) Mne mozhno u\u{i}ti? (I ne dozhidayas{p1} otveta,
ubezhala.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zhalko ego. Ya k nemu privyk. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich,
kogda vskroete cherep, i ya vo\u{i}du v mozg, umolyayu vas, momental{p1}no
podaete mne otrostok iz mozga trupa i vklyuchaete apparat. On spit?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Spit khorosho.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu, gospodi, blagoslovi! Nachnem-s.\\
(Bormental{p1} vzyal s malen{p1}kogo stolika pilu i sklonilsya nad telom
Psa. Skvoz{p1} kovry i steny glukho zazvuchal khor Zhiltovarishchestva.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chert by vzyal vsekh {e1}tikh pevtsov!\\
(I tut pogaslo {e1}lektrichestvo.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (strashno krichit) Chert ikh vsekh voz{p1}mi!!! Zina!
Zina! Zina! \\
(Khor za stenami zazvuchal gromche. Vbezhala Zina so svecho\u{i} v ruke i
stala svetit{p1} nad stolom, otvernuvshis{p1}, chtob ne videt{p1}.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i} Chelovek vo Frenche. (vkhodya s fonarikom.) Filipp Filippovich,
vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Stoyat{p1}! ... Ryadom! ... Mesto! ... Nozhnitsy! ...
Stoyat{p1}! ... Ko mne!\\
(Bormental{p1} v temnote zagrokhotal instrumentami na stolike v poiskakh
nozhnits. Pervy\u{i} podoshel s fonarikom.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Vot oni.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Shprits!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pul{p1}s rezko padaet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Tak chto zh vy zhdete?! Kolite adrenalin!\\
~~Borimental{p1}. Zina, shprits!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Vot on. Ya sterilen.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chert voz{p1}mi! Vse ravno on u nas pyat{p1} raz uzhe
umer! Razve myslimo v takikh usloviyakh!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Nemyslimo.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Myslimo?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Nemyslimo.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zazhim!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zazhim!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Skal{p1}pel{p1}.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Skal{p1}pel{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Eshche zazhim!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zazhim eshche.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vnimanie!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Vnimanie!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Mozg trupa!\\
~~Fedor. Ya zdes{p1}, Filipp Filippovich. (otkryvaet chemodan.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Noga!\\
~~Fedor. Kalosha!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Portve\u{i}n!\\
~~Fedpr. Rozovy\u{i}!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Mozg trupa!\\
(Zina padaet.)\\
~~Fedor. Obmorok!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina!!\\
~~Zina. (vskakivaya) Steril{p1}no!\\
~~Pervy\u{i} (Fedoru). Svoboden!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Skal{p1}pel{p1}!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Skal{p1}pel{p1}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zazhim!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zazhim!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Eshche zazhim!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zazhim vtoro\u{i}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Umer?!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pul{p1}s nitevidny\u{i} ...\\
(Poyavilsya zhurnalist iz "Vestnika promyshlennosti".)\\
~~Zhurnalist (v Pr.) Professor, u vas ne zaperto!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Pervomu.) Stoyat{p1}! Ko mne!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. (zhurnalictu) Ne vam!\\
~~Zhurnalist. (V. p.) Ya iz "Vestnika promyshlennosti" neskol{p1}ko slov
dlya nashikh chitatele\u{i} o vashe\u{i} rabote!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Mozgovo\u{i} shpatel{p1}!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Mozgovy\u{i} shpatel{p1}!\\
~~Fedor. U\u{i}dite ot grekha!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Raspater.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. RASPATER!\\
~~Patsient. Prefessor, prostite, chto bez zvonka, no ya khotel vyrazit{p1} svo\u{i}
vostorg!\\
~~Zhuranlist iz Vestnika. (ustanavlivaya trenogu s fotaapparatom) Odno
malen{p1}koe interv{p1}yu. O roli vashego otkrytiya ...\\
~~Patsient. Vy mog i charode\u{i}! Ya molod! Kazhduyu noch{p1} devushki
snyat$\!\,$sya stayami!\\
~~Zhurnalist. Dobry\u{i} den{p1}, preofessor. Zdravstvu\u{i}te!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vnimanie! Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich! Vkhozhu v turetskoe
sedlo.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Vkhod v turetskoe sedlo!\\
~~Gospodin. Sto tysyach, professor!\\
~~Vtoro\u{i}. Professor, vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Treti\u{i}. Professor, vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Patsient. Professor, parol{p1} d'oner, v posledni\u{i} raz takoe bylo 25
let nazad v Parizhe!\\
~~Zhurnalist ("V.P") Professor, pravda li, chto vashe otkrytie
garantiruet kolossal{p1}ny\u{i} prirost?\\
~~Dariya Petrovna (vnosya blyudo s inde\u{i}ko\u{i}) Filipp Filippovich,
obedat{p1} budete?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Professor, obedat{p1}!\\
~~Patsient. (Dar{p1}e Petrovne) Sudarynya.\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Ya ikh kukharka. Filipp Filippovich, inde\u{i}ka
gotova. Obedat{p1} budete? Vysokhnet. Kuda ee?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Inde\u{i}ku na stol (beret blyudo s inde\u{i}ko\u{i} i stavit na stolik
s instrumentami.)\\
~~Patsient. Sudarynya, ya polozhitel{p1}no ocharovan ...\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Fedor.\\
~~Fedor. Vy ne steril{p1}ny!\\
~~Zhurnalist ("V.P.") Vnimanie! (snimaya) Snyato!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Mozhno zashivat{p1}.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zashivat{p1}!\\
~~Patsient. Itak, professor, chto vy otkryli?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ugloderzhatel{p1}.~\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i} otkryl luchi novo\u{i} zhizni. Apparat
rabotaet ot {e1}lektrichestva. Chto u vas s volosami?\\
~~Patsient. Proklyataya kraska! Podsunuli! O, professor, esli b vy
mogli i volosy omolazhivat{p1}!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. So vremenem my smozhem. A poka vy svobodny.\\
~~Patsient. Kukharka ...\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Kukharka sprava.\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Ponyatno.\\
~~Patsient. Ya polozhitel{p1}no ocharovan!\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Ko mne ... Ko mne (uvodit patsienta)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Zashito, Filipp Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina, vklyucha\u{i}te apparat.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Filipp Filippovich, ryadom, ko mne, mesto -- {e1}to k sobake.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Prostite, golubchik.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Rabota\u{i}te spoko\u{i}no. Vam nikto ne pomeshaet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Podokh ... Zhalko psa. Laskovy\u{i} byl. No khitry\u{i}
... Zapisyva\u{i}te, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich ... Laboratornaya sobaka ... samets ...
klichka Sharik ... Poroda -- dvornyazhka.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. On shevel{p1}nulsya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Neuzhto? Vyzhivet. Vy pishite. Sherst{p1} gustaya.
Upitanny\u{i}. Proizvedena pervaya v mire operatsiya po peresadke mozga i
semennykh zhelez ot skonchavshegosya za tri chasa do operatsii muzhchiny.
Zapisali?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Da, da.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite: Pokazaniya k operatsii -- postanovka
opyta o vliyanii peresadki pri pryamom de\u{i}stvii lucha.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. On cheshet$\!\,$sya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Chto?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. "On cheshet$\!\,$sya".\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Sherst{p1} otpadaet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite.\\
~~Bormenta{p1}. Chto?\\
~~Filopp Filippovich. Pri pryamom de\u{i}stvii lucha nablyudaet$\!\,$sya mestnoe
oblysenie ... Bedny\u{i} pes.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pisat{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. "Pes bedny\u{i}."\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ne nado. Pishite. Oblysenie prinimaet obshchi\u{i}
kharakter.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Diagnostika?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Diagnostika ne ustanovlena. Pishite!
Nablyudaet$\!\,$sya udlinenie konechnoste\u{i} i rost cherepa ... Sovershenno
neozhidanny\u{i} {e1}ffekt!\\
~~Pes. U-a ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite. Ston ...\\
~~Pes. U-a ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pokhozhi\u{i} na plach rebenka.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Kogo?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Spoko\u{i}no, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich. My s vami uchenye.
Rebenka. I pul{p1}s normal{p1}ny\u{i}.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Otkryl glaza ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pishu.\\
~~Pes. Ai Abyr ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. On govorit.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. On govorit, a vy pishite, otchetlivo prolayal
slovo "abyr".\\
~~Pes. Abyr-vashg, abyr-valg!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Chto pisat{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite Abyr ... \\
~~Pes. Abyrvalg ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. (zapisal) Abyrvalg, Filipp Filippovich, esli prochest{p1} naoborot,
poluchaet$\!\,$sya Glavryba.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Gladya psa po golove) Akh, kako\u{i} molodets!\\
~~Pes. S gin{p1}, gnida. Ne tolka\u{i}sya, padla ... Abyr ... pa-pasha ...
abyr ... pa-pa-sha. Abyr ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pishite, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich! Pishite!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pishu, ya pishu!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Po vidu -- formiruyushchi\u{i}sya muzhchina. Pishite. Ivan
Arnol{p1}dovich, de\u{i}stvie lucha dalo sovershenno neozhidanny\u{i} {e1}ffekt:
polnoe ochelovechivanie.\\
~~Pes. V ochered{p1}, sukiny deti! V ochered{p1}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sleduet otmetit{p1} ponyatlivost{p1} sushchestva. A che\u{i}.
kstati, {e1}to trup! Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Klim! Klim Grigor{p1}evich, 25 let. Sudilcya tri raza. V
pervy\u{i} i vtoro\u{i} raz opravdan -- spaslo proiskhzhdenie, treti\u{i} raz
osuzhden. 15 let katorgi ... uslovnu. Prichina smerti -- udar nozh v
pivno\u{i} u Preobrazhensko\u{i} zastavy.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Blagodaryu vas.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}! Ya pozdravlyayu vas! Vy bez
retorty Fausta sozdali gomunkula! Nozhom khirurga vy vyzvali k zhizni
novuyu chelovecheskuyu edinitsu! Prefessor Preobrazhenski\u{i}, ya pozdravlyayu
Vas!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, vy tvorets!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, ya i sam ne ozhidal. Zina, Zina!
Odet{p1} ego!\\
~~Pes. (vsled Zine.) Vpolne!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Zina!\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna (s Fedorom vnosyat Zinu) Filipp Filippovich, e\u{i}
nekhorosho.\\
~~Pes. Suka rvanaya ... Sleza\u{i} s podnozhki, mat{p1} tvoyu ... (Zakrutilsya
na meste, pytayas{p1} ukhvatit{p1} sebya zubami za spinu).\\
~~Fedor. Bloshki ikh bespokoyat!\\
~~Pes. Suka rvanaya ... Sleza\u{i} s podnozhki, mat{p1} tvoyu!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. {E1}to blokha. Ego nado vykupat{p1}.\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Zina. Vykupat{p1}! Vykupat{p1}!\\
(Dar{p1}ya Petrovna vnesla koryto. Fedor -- kuvshin s vodo\u{i}. Psa uveli
za shirmu i tam pristupili k obryadu uvyvaniya i odevaniya. Ottuda
slyshalis{p1} golosa.)\\
~~Sharik. Da\u{i} papirosochku -- u tebya bryuki v polosochku. Mat{p1} tvoyu, shas
past{p1} porvu.\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. S gusya voda, s mal{p1}chika vsya khdoba!\\
~~Sharik. Schas past{p1} porvu!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Fu, Sharik, fu!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lasko\u{i}, mile\u{i}shi\u{i} Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, tol{p1}ko
lasko\u{i}! Poimite -- pered nami uzhe ne Sharik. Pered nami novy\u{i} chelovek.\\
\\
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2 -- \u{i} AKT\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Doktor uzhe perebralsya?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Doktor perebralsya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Blagodaryu vas.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Doktor perebralsya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Blagodaryu vas, ya znayu. (pishet povtoryaya vslukh Zine.)
"Ne skvernoslovit{p1}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}" ... Zina! "Na pol
ne plevat{p1}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}". {E1}to -- vot syuda,
pozhalu\u{i}sta. Otlichno. Zina! "Semechki ne gryzt{p1}. Professor
Preobrazhenski\u{i}". Syuda pozhalu\u{i}sta.\\
~~Zina (nakhodit noski). Filipp Filippovich!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto -- Filipp Filippovich? {E1}to noski ... "Ne
mochit{p1}sya mimo unitaza. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}." Nu khorosho. {E1}to
ya poveshu sam ...\\
(Ukhodyat.)\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. (vylezaet iz-pod stola.) Papasha! ... "Semechki ne
gryzt{p1}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}. Papasha padla. "Ne skvernoslivit{p1}.
Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}", "Na pol ne plevat{p1}. Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i}".
Papasha ...\\
(Podoshel k klavesinu. B{p1}et po klavisham. Vkhodyat Filipp Filippovich
i Bormental{p1}.)\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Igraet! ... Padla! Igraet! (vkhodyat F.F. i Bormental{p1})
Do ... do ... \\
~~Bormental{p1}. (sadyat{p1} za fizgarmon{p1}) Do-ooo!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Do ... Golubchik! ... Do-oo.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Re ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Dava\u{i}te re ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Re-eee ... \\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. (predlagaet F.F. konfetku) {E1}to tebe.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Spasibo. Nu a teper{p1} tebe.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. R ... r ... Mi-mi.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Dava\u{i}te mi.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Mi ... i \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fa-aaa ...\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. {E1}to dryan{p1} takaya puzataya dvubokaya ...\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Kak rabotaet$\!\,$sya, Filipp Filippovich? Ne lizat{p1}! O nas s
vami, professor, v gazetakh pishut. (Shariku) Ne lizat{p1}! Vot. "Slukhi
o marsianine v Obukhovskom pereulike ni na chem ne osnovany. Oni
raspushcheny torgovtsami s Sukharevki. Sem{p1} torgovtsov za rasprostranenie
slukhov arestovany". Ne budu meshat{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Fa-aaa ...\\
~~Noby\u{i} Chelovek. Fa ... Gde? Gde? Ub{p1}yu na meste! U-uuub{p1}yu!
Mat{p1} tvoyu! Razveli, burzhui!\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. On v vano\u{i}, Filipp Filippovich!\\
~~Zina. Filipp Filippovich, {e1}to kot.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lasko\u{i} i terpeniem!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. On sidit v vanno\u{i}. {E1}tot kot.\\
~~Fedor. Filipp Filippovich, patsienty!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, uspoko\u{i}te patsientov, skazhite,
segodnya prinimat{p1} ne budu.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. (stuchit v vannuyu) Otkryt{p1} nemedlenno!\\
(Poyavilsya starukha.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto vam nado?\\
~~Starukha. Govoryashchuyu sobachku lyubopytno posmotret{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nemedlenno, siyu zhe minutu von!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Kak vy skazali, professor? Lasko\u{i} i eshche chem?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Terpeniem, golubchik.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. (Pokazyvaya na starukhu.) {E1}to kto?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lyubopytno govoryashchuyu sobachku posmotret{p1}.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Razberemsya (stuchit) Kto ya?\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna i Zina. Chto on skazal?\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Zhenshchiny, vy\u{i}dite otsyuda! (stuchit.) Chtoby kuda ya poshel?\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna i Zina. Chto on skazal?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Damy, vam zhe skazali vy\u{i}ti ot$\!\,$syuda.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, v priemno\u{i} 17 patsientov zhdut.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, otpustite vsekh, segodnya
prinimat{p1} ne budu.\\
(Fedor smeet$\!\,$sya.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto on skazal?\\
~~Fedor. On skazal, chto ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fedor! (V vannuyu.) Siyu zhe minutu izvol{p1}te vy\u{i}ti!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Zashchelknulsya ya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Otkro\u{i}te!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Da ne otkryvaet$\!\,$sya, okayannaya!\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Batyushki, on na predokhranitel{p1} zashchelknul.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (starayas{p1} perekrichat{p1} vodu) Tam pupochka
est{p1} takaya! Nazhmite ee snizu!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Vniz, vniz, opustite pupochku!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. (propal i vnov{p1} poyavilsya v okoshechke.) Ni psa ne
vidno.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da vy svet zazhgite!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Kotyaga proklyty\u{i} lampu raskolol. Ya stal ego,
podletsa, za nogi tashchit{p1}, on kran vyvernul, nikak ne mogu na\u{i}ti.\\
(vkhodit Bormental{p1} i patsient s zelenymi volosami.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. U\u{i}dite pozhalu\u{i}sta. Ne budet segodnya priema.\\
~~Patsient. Kogda priem?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Ne budet segodnya priema. Bud{p1}te dobry, u\u{i}dite,
oto\u{i}dite, u nas truba lopnula.\\
~~Patsient. Kogda priem?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. U nas truba lopnula!!!\\
~~Patsient. Kogda operatsiya?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. U nas truba lopnula. Vsya!!! Professor nezdorov.\\
~~Patsient. Ya by v kalotakh prishel (uvidel starukhu) Sudarynya ... Ya
polozhitel{p1}no ocharovan ... Ya teper{p1} molod! Ya
teper{p1} ochen{p1} molod!\\
(Fedor prines lestnitsu, vlez v okoshechko vanno\u{i} i skazal ottuda.)\\
~~Fedor. Otkryvat{p1} dver{p1}? Napor bol{p1}sho\u{i}.\\
~~Zina. Vse ravno zhe pridet$\!\,$sya otkryvat{p1}.\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Nado, Filipp filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Otkryva\u{i}te ...\\
~~Fedor. Slushayu, Filipp Filippovich!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Ne budu meshat{p1}.\\
(Fedor otkryl i khlynula voda. I pospeshno ushel obkhodya potoki vody.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik, nu pochemu vy ne vykhodite?\\
~~Fedor. Boit$\!\,$sya vykhodit{p1}.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Bit{p1} budete, papasha?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Bolvan.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Na lestnitsu l{p1}et$\!\,$sya.\\
(Zina i Dar{p1}ya Petrovna v podotknytykh yubkakh i Novy\u{i} Chelovek s
Fedorom v zakatannykh shtanakh shvarkali mokrymi tryapkami i vyzhimali ikh v
vedra.)\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Filipp Filippovich, tryapki ne berut.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Propala kvartira.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek (mirno). Do chego zhe vrednoe zhivotnoe, kontra. Mat{p1} tvoyu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vy pro kogo govorite?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Pro kota ya govoryu, takaya svoloch{p1}.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Skol{p1}ko vremeni vy budete gonyat{p1}sya za koshkami?
Stydites{p1}! Ved{p1} {e1}to zhe bezobrazie! Vy vedete sebya kak dikar{p1}!\\
~~Vovy\u{i} Chelovek. Nu kako\u{i} ya dikar{p1}? Nichego ne dikar{p1}. Ego
terpet{p1} v kvartire nevozmozhno. Ya ego pouchit{p1} khotel.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vas by samogo pouchit{p1}. Vy tol{p1}ko posmotrite na svoyu
fizionomiyu. Po\u{i}dite, pereoden{p1}tes{p1}!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek (ukhodya i trogaya glaz mokro\u{i} gryazno\u{i} ruko\u{i}.)
Chut{p1} glaza ne lishil. Razveli burzhui ... !\\
~~Fedor. Vyterli vse, Filipp Filippovich!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fedor, vy promokli. Vype\u{i}te u Dar{p1}i Petrovny vodki.\\
~~Fedor. Pokorne\u{i}she blagodaryu ... Tut eshche, Filipp Filippovich, ya
izvinyayus{p1}, uzh pryamo i skazat{p1} sovestno, tol{p1}ko za steklo v
sed{p1}mo\u{i} kvartire ... {E1}tot vash ... kamnyami shvyryal.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. V kota?\\
~~Fedor. To-to, chto v khozyaina, Vasili\u{i} Pavlovich uzh v sud grozit$\!\,$sya
podavat{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chert. Za chto?\\
~~Fedor. Vash ikh kukharku obnyal.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Kukharka, a forsu kak u komissarshi.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Skol{p1}ko nuzhno?\\
~~Fedor. Poltora.\\
(Filipp Filippovich vyruchil den{p1}gi.)\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Takomu merzavtsu poltora tselkovykh platit{p1}. Da on
sam s {e1}to\u{i} kukharko\u{i} ... \\
~~Bormental{p1}. Ne smet{p1}!\\
~~Fedor. Nu uzh, {e1}to de\u{i}stvitel{p1}no, takogo naglogo ya v zhizn{p1} svoyu ne
vidal. Filipp Filippovich, mozhet po ukhu by ego.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (pechal{p1}no.) Nu, chto vy, Fedor ... Perestan{p1}te
Fedor!\\
(Pogaslo {e1}lektrichetvo i zapel za stenami khor zhiltovarishchestva.)\\
\\
(Professor Preobrazhenski\u{i} podoshel k shkafu, vynul uzkuyu steklyannuyu
banku i stal rassmatrivat{p1} ee na svet. Voshel Novy\u{i} Chelovek.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik ... {E1}to chto za besobrazie?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Gde?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya govoryu o vashem galstuke.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Shikarny\u{i} galstuk.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A botinki? Neuzheli doktor Bormental{p1} takie
vybral?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Ya velel chtob lakovye. Chem ya khuzhe lyude\u{i}?
Po\u{i}dite na Kuznetski\u{i}. Vse v lakovykh.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Uberite {e1}tu pakost{p1} s shei. Balagan kako\u{i}-to.
I chtob ya bol{p1}she ne slyshal ni odnogo rugatel{p1}nogo slova. I ne plevat{p1}.
I spricuarom obrashcha\u{i}tes{p1} pozhalu\u{i}sta akkuratnee. I s Zino\u{i} vsyakie
razgovory prekratit{p1}. Ona zhaluet$\!\,$sya, chto vy polkaraulivaete ee v to
note. Vy zhe ne v kabake. Razdeva\u{i}tes{p1}! Zhive\u{i}! Zhive\u{i}!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Kak umeyu ... Ya vas, papasha ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kto {e1}to vam tut papasha?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Khotel poprosit{p1}... dolument, mne nuzhen, Filipp
Filippovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kako\u{i} dokument?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Vo-pervykh, domkom.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pri chem tut domkom?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Vstrechayut na lestnitse -- sprashivayut -- kogda zhe,
govoryat, mnogouvazhaemy\u{i}, propishtes{p1}?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya zapreshchal vam shlyat{p1}sya po lestnitse!
Povernites{p1}! Tak chto govorit nash prelestny\u{i} domkom?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Naprasno vy ego prelestnym rugaete. Vot (chitaya
vslukh gazetu) "Nikakikh somneni\u{i} net v tom, chto {e1}to ego
nezakonorozhdenny\u{i} syn. Vot kak razvlekaet$\!\,$sya nasha psevdonauchnaya
burzhuaziya. Shvonder". On interesy zashchishchaet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina! (Brezglivo skhvatil gazetu i otdal Zine.)
V pechku {e1}to. Nemedlenno! Ch{p1}i zhe {e1}to on interesy zashchishchaet?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Izvestno ch{p1}i -- trudovogo {e1}lementa.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pochemu zhe vy "trudovo\u{i} {e1}lement"?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Da potomu chto -- ne n{e1}pman.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kak zhe ya propishu? Ne zabyva\u{i}te, vy -- {p1}~~{p1}~~ ...
sushchestvo laboratornoe. Ved{p1} u vas net ni imeni, ni familii.\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Imya ya sebe ochen{p1} prosto mogu podobrat{p1}.
Propechatal imya v gazete i shabash.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kak zhe vy namereny imenovat{p1}sya?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek (popraviv galstuk). Poligraf Poligrafovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kak kak?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Filipp Filippovich -- Poligraf Poligrafovich.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ne valya\u{i}te duraka. Ya s vami ser{p1}ezno govoryu!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Chto-to ya ne po\u{i}mu. Mne po-matushke nel{p1}zya.
A ot vas tol{p1}ko i slyshu: "Durak, durak". Verno, tol{p1}ko professoram
razresheno rugat{p1}sya v Resefesere?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Izvinite menya pozhalu\u{i}sta. U menya rasstroeny
nervy. Vashe imya pokazalos{p1} mne strannym. Gde vy otkopali sebe takoe?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Po kalendaryu imya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ni v kakom kalendare nichego podobnogo byt{p1} ne mozhet!!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. (usmekhayas{p1}) Dovol{p1}no udivitel{p1}no. U nas visit.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Gde?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. (snyal so steny kalendar{p1}.) Vot. U vas ... u vas ... vot.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (zaglyanul v kalendar{p1}.) Zina! V pechku {e1}to!\\
(Zina pospeshno unesla kalendar{p1}.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Familiya pozvol{p1}te uznat{p1}!\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Familiyu ya soglasen prinyat{p1} nasledstvennuyu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kak nasledstvennuyu?\\
~~Novy\u{i} Chelovek. Nu ladno, Sharikov. Tovarishchi! ... Propustite!\\
(Voshli Shvonder, Voznesenskaya, Pestrukhin, zhurnalisty, starukha.)\\
~~Sharikov. Sharikov!\\
~~Shvonder. Pozdravlyayu.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Tovarishch Sharikov!\\
~~Zhurnalist. Dobry\u{i} den{p1}... tovarishch Sharikov!\\
~~Sharikov. Sharikov!\\
~~Zhurnalist. Tovarishch Sharikov!\\
~~Zhurnalist iz "Vestn. prom". Ya iz "Vestnika promyshlennosti" ...
oto\u{i}di mama. ... Vnimanie! Snyato.\\
~~Shvonder. (Podavaya Filippu Filippovichu bumagu.) Podpishite vot zdes{p1},
grazhdanin professor. "Pred{p2}yavitel{p1} sego, de\u{i}stvitel{p1}no, Poligraf
Poligrafovich Sharikov, zarodivshi\u{i}sya v nashe\u{i} kvartire ... "\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Nashego doma!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chert voz{p1}mi! Da nichego glupee sebe
predstavit{p1} nel{p1}zya. Nichego on ne zarodilsya ... \\
~~Zhurnalist. Zarodilsya! Zarodilsya!\\
~~Shvonder (so spoko\u{i}nym zloradstvom). Vy delali opyt, professor. Vy
zarodili grazhdanina Sharikova.\\
~~Sharikov. I ochen{p1} prost.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya poprosil by vas ne vmeshivat{p1}sya v razgovor.
Vy naprasno govorite "ochen{p1} prost". {E1}to ochen{p1} neprost. {E1}to
ochen{p1} slozhno ...\\
~~Sharikov (obizhanno). Kak zhe mne ne vmeshivat{p1}sya?\\
~~Shvonder. Grazhdanin Sharikov sovershenno prav. Ego pravo prinimat{p1} uchastie
v obsuzhdenii ego sobstvenno\u{i} uchasti. Delo kasaet$\!\,$sya ego
dokumenta. Dokument -- samaya vazhnaya veshch{p1}! Na svete!\\
~~Zhurnalist. Professor, s mamo\u{i}! Devushka, podo\u{i}dite poblizhe ...
Vnimanie.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (zhuranalistam) Von!!! Von!!!\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Von!\\
(Zhurnalisty ushli.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Shvonderu) I voobshche ya protiv {e1}tikh i idiot$\!\,$skikh
dokumentov.\\
~~Shvonder. A ya ne mogu dopustit{p1} prebyvaniya v dome bezdokumentnogo
zhil{p1}tsa.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. My -- ne mozhem.\\
~~Shvonder. Vdrug vo\u{i}na s imperialistami?\\
~~Pestrukhin. Ne segodnya -- zavtra!\\
~~Sharikov. Ya voevat{p1} ne po\u{i}du nikuda!\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Spoko\u{i}no, tovarishch Pestrukhin!\\
~~Shvonder. Vy, grazhdanin Sharikov, govorite v vysshe\u{i} stepeni
nesoznatel{p1}no. Na voinski\u{i} uchet neobkhodimo vzyat{p1}sya.\\
~~Sharikov. Na uchet voz{p1}mus{p1}, a voevat{p1} shish s maslom.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (zloradno) Vot, pozhalu\u{i}sta!\\
(I podpisal dokument. Shvonder smutilsya.)\\
~~Sharikov. Ya tyazhko ranen pri operatsii. Menya vish{p1} kak otdelali.\\
(Pokazal shram na lbu i tsarapiny ostavlennye kotom.)\\
~~Voznesenskaya (Pestrukhinu) Spoko\u{i}no tovarishch! Vy anarkhist?
(Sharikovu) Vy anarkhist-individualist?\\
~~Sharikov. Mne bely\u{i} bilet polagaet$\!\,$sya.\\
~~Voznesenskaya. Tovarishchi! Tovarishchi!\\
~~Shvonder (udivlenno). Ne vazhno poka. Poka ne vazhno. Poka vazhno chto
my udostoverenie professora otpravim v militsiyu.\\
~~Sharikov. Kak v militsiyu?! Ne dam!\\
~~Shvonder. Tam vam vydadut dokument. Tam vydadut dokument ... tam
vam vydadut dokument.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (vnezapno Shvonderu) Vot chto ... Net li u nas v
dome. Net li u vas v dome svobodno\u{i} komnaty? Ya soglasen ee kupit{p1} dlya ... \\
~~Shvonder. (mstitel{p1}no) Net, professor, k velicha\u{i}shemu sozhaleniyu. I
ne predvidit$\!\,$sya.\\
(Ukhodyat.)\\
~~Vtoro\u{i}. Professor, vam nikto ne meshaet. \\
~~Treti\u{i}. Prefessor, vam nikto ne meshaet.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Nam nikto ne meshaet.\\
~~Sharikov. Poet. "V poryve mshen{p1}ya ... " Dava\u{i} ... kushat{p1} podano!
Proshu! ... Arnol{p1}dych, proshu ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}(Sharikovu). Izvol{p1}te salfetu zalozhit{p1}!\\
~~Sharikov. Nu chto vy, v samom dele.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Zalozhit{p1}!\\
(I sel k stolu.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Blogodaryu vas, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich. Ya uzhe ustal
delat{p1} zamechaniya.\\
(I tozhe sel.)\\
~~Bormental{p1} (Sharikovu). Ne pozvolyu est{p1}, poka ne zalozhite. Zina
primite ma\u{i}onez u Sharikova.\\
~~Sharikov. Kak {e1}to "primite"? Ya zalozhu.\\
(Levo\u{i} ruko\u{i} on zaslonil blyudo ot Ziny, a pravo\u{i} zapikhnul salfetku
za vorotnik i stal pokhozh na klienta v parikmakhersko\u{i}.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. A ne khvatit li vam? Vy poslednee vremya slishkom
nalegaete na vodku.\\
~~Sharikov. Vam zhalko?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Gluposti!!!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, ya sam. Vy, Sharikov, chepukhu govorite,
i vozmutitel{p1}nee vsego to, chto govorite ee \\
bezapellyatsionno.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, lasko\u{i}.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vodki mne, konechno, ne zhalko, ona ne moya, a Filippa
Filippovicha. Prosto {e1}to vredno. {E1}to raz, a vtoroe -- vy i bez vodki
derzhite sebya neprilichino. Drugim nuzhno predlozhit{p1}. Sperva Filippu
Filippovichu, zatem mne, v zaklyuchenie, sebe.\\
~~Sharikov. Vse u vas na parade. Salfetku tuda, galstuk syuda, da "izvinite",
da "pozhalu\u{i}sta", "messi", a tak, chtoby po-chelovecheski -- {e1}to
net. Muchaete sebya, kak pri tsarskom rezhime.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A kak {e1}to "po chelovecheski" -- pozvol{p1}te
sprosit{p1}?\\
~~Sharikov. Da vot tak ... (podnyal ryumku) Zhelayu, chtoby vse ... \\
(Sharikov vyplesnul vodku sebe v glotku, smorshchilsya, ponyukhal kusochek
khleba, i glaza ego napolnilis{p1} slezami.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Stazh ... \\
~~Bormental{p1}. Klim Chugunkin. Nichego ne podelaesh{p1}.\\
~~Sharikov. Nu chto budem delat{p1} segodnya vecherom. Kuda po\u{i}dem?
V tsirk po\u{i}dem. Tsirk luchshe vsego!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Kazhdy\u{i} den{p1} tsirk. Ya by na vashem meste
khot{p1} raz v teatr skhodil.\\
~~Sharikov. V teatr ya ne po\u{i}du.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Pochemu, sobstveno, vam ne nravit$\!\,$sya teatr?\\
~~Sharikov (posmotrel v pustuyu ryumku kak v binokl{p1}.) Da, durakavalyanie
... Razgovarivayut, razgovarivayut. \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pochemu? Tam i poyut.\\
~~Sharikov. Vse ravno kontrrevolyutsiya odna.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Sharikov, vy by khot{p1} knizhku pochitali, abyrvalg.\\
~~Sharikov. Uzh chitat{p1} i tak chitayu ...\\
(I vdrug khishchno i bystro nalil sebe polstakana vodki.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zina, ubira\u{i}, detka, vodku. Bol{p1}she ne nuzhno.
Chto vy chitaete? Ya vam daval Robinzona Kruzoe.\\
~~Sharikov. Ne ego. {E1}tu chitayu ... Kak ee ... perepisku {e1}togo ... kak
ego {E1}ngel{p1}sa ... s d{p1}yavolom Kaut$\!\,$skim.\\
(Boromental{p1} ostanovil na poldoroge dilku s kuskom myasa, a Filipp
Filippovich raspleskal vino. Sharikov v {e1}to vremya izlovchilsya i
proglotil vodku.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pozvol{p1}te uznat{p1}, chto vy mozhete
skazat{p1} po povodu prochitannogo?\\
~~Sharikov. Ne soglasen ya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. S kem? S {E1}ngel{p1}som ili s Kaut$\!\,$skim?\\
~~Sharikov. S oboimi.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. {E1}to lyubopytno, klyanus{p1} bogom?\\
~~Sharikov. Pishut, pishut ... Kongress, nemtsy ... golova pukhnet.
Vzyat{p1} vse i podelit{p1}...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vy i sposob znaete?\\
~~Sharikov. (slovookhotlivo posle vodki.) Delo ne khitroe. a to chto zh
odin v semi komnatakh rasselilsya, shtanov u nego 40 par, a drugo\u{i} v
sornykh yashchikakh pitanie ryshchet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Naschet semi komnat -- {e1}to vy, konechno, na menya
nemekaete?\\
~~Sharikov. {E1}to ya voobshche.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chto zhe, ya ne protiv delezha. Doktor, skol{p1}ki
patsientam my vchera otkazali?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. 39 chelovek.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. 390 ruble\u{i}. Nu, delim grekh na trekh muzhchin.
Zinu i Dar{p1}yu Petrovnu schitat{p1} ne stanem. S vas, Sharikov, 130
ruble\u{i}. Potrudites{p1} vnesti.\\
~~Sharikov (ispuganno.) Khroshen{p1}koe delo! Za chto?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (krichit, teryaya ostatki terpeniya.) Za kran i za kota!!\\
~~Bormental{p1}(s trevogo\u{i} za professora.) Filipp Filippovich ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pogodite. {E1}to zhe nesterpimo! Kto ubil koshku u
madam Polosukhino\u{i}? Kto?\\
~~Bormenta{p1}. Vy, Sharikov, tret{p1}ego dnya ukusili damu na lestnitse.\\
~~Sharikov. Ona menya po morde khlopnula. U menya morda ne kazennaya!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Potomu chto vy ee za grud{p1} ushipnuli. Po\u{i}mite, vy stoite
na samo\u{i} ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (perekrichal ego.) Na samo\u{i} nizko\u{i} stupeni
razvitiya. Vy tol{p1}ko formiruyushcheesya, ot$\!\,$staloe v umstvennom otnoshenii
sushchestvo, a vy, v prisut$\!\,$stvii lyude\u{i} s universitet$\!\,$skim obrazovaniem,
pozvolyaete sebe s razvyasnost{p1}yu, sovershenno nevynosimo\u{i},
podavat{p1} sovety {E1}ngel{p1}su kak vse podelit{p1}... a v to zhe vremya vy
naglotalis{p1} zubnogo poroshka ... \\
~~Bormental{p1}. Tret{p1}ego dnya v vanno\u{i} komnate.\\
~~Filipp Filppovich. Zarubite sebe na nosu: vam nuzhno molchat{p1} i
slushat{p1}, chto vam govoryat. Uchit{p1}sya i starat{p1}sya
stat{p1} khot{p1} skol{p1}ko nibud{p1} dosto\u{i}nym chlenom sotsialisticheskogo
obshchestva. Kako\u{i} negodya\u{i} snabdil vas {e1}to\u{i} knizhko\u{i}?\\
~~Sharikov. (oglushenny\u{i} s dvukh storon.) Vse u vas negodyai. Nu,
Shvonder dal. On ne negodya\u{i} ... Chtob ya razvivalsya.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (sryvayas{p1} v krike na vizg.) Ya vizhu, kak vy
razov{p1}etes{p1}! Zina!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. (krichit.) Zina!\\
~~Sharikov (oret.) Zina! Vodki!\\
(Pribezhala Zina.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (ne vladeya sobo\u{i}) Tam v priemno\u{i}!!! (Sharikovu.)
Ona v priemno\u{i}?\\
~~Sharikov. (pokorno.) V priemno\u{i}. Zelenaya. Ona kazennaya iz
biblioteki ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Zelenaya knizhka!!! Perepiska {E1}ngel{p1}sa s {e1}tim
chertom ... V pechku!!!\\
(Zina uletela.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya {e1}togo Shvondera povesil by, chestnoe slovo na
pervom suku!!!\\
(Nastupilo nepriyatnoe molchanie. Sharikov vytashchil iz karmana myatuyu
papirosu i zadymil, puskaya dym v rukav.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, proshu vas, s{p2}ezdite s nim
v tsirk. Tol{p1}ko radi Boga, posmotrite v programme -- kotov net?\\
~~Sharikov. Kto takuyu svoloch{p1} v tsirk puskaet.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da malo li kogo tuda puskayut. Ivan
Arnol{p1}dovicha slushat{p1}sya. Ni v kakie razgovory v bufete ne puskat{p1}sya.
Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, pokorne\u{i}she vas proshu piva Sharikovu ne davat{p1}.\\
(Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich i Sharikov, odety\u{i} v kepku s utinym nosom i
pal{p1}to s podnyatym vorotnikom uekhali v tsirk.)\\
\\
~~Sharikov. Ya na sluzhbu postupil!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Fedor! ... Sharikov, vchera vy privodili dvukh
p{p1}yanykh priyatele\u{i}, posle chego iz peredne\u{i} propala malakhitovaya
pepel{p1}nitsa i moya bobrovaya shapka. Kto oni takie? Kto {e1}ti sukiny syny?\\
~~Sharikov. Oni mne personal{p1}no neizvestny. No oni ne sukiny syny,
oni khoroshie ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. I ukrali dva chervontsa! Izumitel{p1}no, kak {e1}to
oni umudrilis{p1}? Ved{p1} byli sovershenno p{p1}yanye!\\
~~Sharikov. Chervontsev ne brali. Chego vy v samom dele ... Ya, mezhdu
prochim, ne odin v kvartire prozhivayu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Aga, mozhet, {e1}to doktor Bormental{p1} svistnul
chervontsy?\\
~~Sharikov. I ne ya. Mozhet byt{p1}, {e1}to ... Fedor ... Mozhet byt{p1}, {e1}to ...
Zinka vzyala ...\\
(Zina s krikom brosaet$\!\,$sya na Sharikova, krichit.)\\
~~Sharikov. Uberite ee. Isterichka! Ya na sluzhbu postupil!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lasko\u{i}, lasko\u{i}, lasko\u{i} i terpeniem (zaglyanul v
sharikovskuyu bumagu) Pred{p1}yavitel{p1} sego, Poligraf Poligrafovich Sharkov,
de\u{i}stvitel{p1}no sostoit zaveduyushchim otdelom chistki goroda Moskvy ot
brodyachikh zhivotnykh, v skobkakh kotov, v otdele "MKKH". Tak! Kto zhe vas
ustroil? Kto {e1}to sdelal? Akh, vprochem ya i sam dogadyvayus{p1}.\\
~~Sharikov. (vozvrashchayas{p1} iz-za shirmy) Nu da, Shvonder.\\
~~Pervy\u{i} Chelovek vo Frenche. (poyavlyayas{p1}v dveryakh peredne\u{i}.) Professor,
u vas shumno, vam nikto ne meshaet?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Shvonder!!! Nel{p1}zya li Shvondera rasstrelyat{p1}?\\
(Pervy\u{i} ulybnulsya, pokachal golovo\u{i} i ushel.)\\
~~Sharikov. Ya na sluzhbu postupil i zhenilsya. (vtoromu) Slusha\u{i}, ty!
ty, ty, pusti ee!\\
(Voshla smushchenno oglyadyvayas{p1} khuden{p1}kaya baryshnya v vytertom
pal{p1}tishke.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Sharikov!\\
~~Sharikov. Ya s ne\u{i} raspisalsya. {E1}to nasha mashinistka. Zhit{p1} budet so
mno\u{i}. Bormentalya nado budet vyselit{p1} iz priemno\u{i}. U nego svoya
kvartira est{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Milaya baryshnya, ya poproshu vas na minutochku
pro\u{i}ti so mno\u{i} v mo\u{i} kabinet.\\
~~Sharikov. (podozritel{p1}no.) Ya po\u{i}du vmeste s ne\u{i}.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Net, izvinite-s. Professof pobeseduet s damo\u{i} ... \\
(Sharikov pytaet$\!\,$sya bezhat{p1} za F.F.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Stoyat{p1}! ... (Baryshnya ostanavlivaet$\!\,$sya.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Proshu vas pro\u{i}demte ... Vot syuda, pozhalu\u{i}sta.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. A my pobudem zdes{p1} (chitaet po-nemetski stikhi) Stoyat{p1}!
... Stoyat{p1}! ... Gulyat{p1}! ... Sharik, gulyat{p1}! (khvataet oshe\u{i}nik.)\\
~~Sharik. Oshe\u{i}nik! ... {E1}to znachit navsegda! Oshe\u{i}nik {e1}to vse ravno,
chto portfel{p1}! Gulyat{p1}! Gulyat{p1}! Gulyat{p1}!\\
(Voshli F.F. i baryshnya.)\\
~~Baryshnya. On skazal, negodya\u{i}, chto on ranen v boyakh.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Lzhet. Detchka, mne vas iskrenne zhal{p1}, no
nel{p1}zya zhe tak s pervym vstrechnym tol{p1}ko iz-za sluzhebnogo polozheniya.
Detka, nu ved{p1} {e1}to zhe bezobrazie ... Vot chto ... Ya proshu vas ...
Voz{p1}mite ... pozhalu\u{i}sta, proshu vas, pozhalu\u{i}sta ...\\
(On vynul iz bumazhanka den{p1}gi.)\\
~~Baryshnya. Ya otravlyus{p1}... V stolovy\u{i} solonina, solonina kazhdy\u{i} den{p1}
... on ugrozhaet ... govorit, chto on krasny\u{i} komandir ... so mnoyu
govorit, budesh{p1} zhit{p1} v roskoshno\u{i} kvartire, kazhdy\u{i} den{p1} ananasy ...
psikhika, govorit, u menya dobraya, tol{p1}ko kotov, govorit, ya nenavizhu.
On u menya kol{p1}tso na pamyat{p1} vzyal.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da, da, psikhika dobraya ... (baryshne) Da ...
Nuzhno pereterpet{p1}. Vy eshche tak molody ... Da vy berite den{p1}gi, kogda
dayut vza\u{i}my!\\
~~Baryshnya. Podlets!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (Sharikovu.) Nu, otchego u vas shram na lbu?
Potrudites{p1} ob{p2}yasnit{p1} {e1}to\u{i} dame.\\
~~Sharikov. Ya na Kolchakovskikh frontakh ranen!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Perestan{p1}te.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Kolechko vernut{p1}! Vernut{p1} kolechko! Vernut{p1}!\\
(Sharikov pokorno snyal s pal{p1}tsa kol{p1}tso.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. (Baryshne.) Ne bo\u{i}tes{p1} ego.\\
~~Sharikov. Nu ladno. Zavtra ya tebe ustoroyu sokrashchenie shtatov.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Ya emu ne pozvolyu nichego sdelat{p1} (posmotrel na Sharikova
tak, chto tot popyatilsya i stuknulsya zatylkom o shkaf.) Kak ee familiya.
Sam skazhet! Familiya!\\
(Bormental{p1} stal dik i strashen.)\\
~~Sharikov. Vasnetsova.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. (privychno vzyav Sharikova za shivorot.) Ezhednevno ya sam
lichno budu spravlyat{p1}sya v ochistke, ne sokratili li grazhdanku ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vasnetsovu ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Doktor!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. I esli tol{p1}ko vy ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vy ... vy ... Esli uznayu, chto sokratili, ya vas
sobstvennymi rukami zdes{p1} zhe i pristrelyu.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Doktor!\\
~~Sharikov (tikho i kak-to vyalo.) U samikh revol{p1}very na\u{i}dut$\!\,$sya.\\
(I vdrug, izlovchivshis{p1}, bryznul v dver{p1}. Fedor uvel baryshnyu.
Filipp Filippovich, ustaly\u{i} i postrarevshi\u{i}, szhalsya v kresle. Zapel khor
zhiltovarishchestva.)\\
\\
\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya ustal ... ya ustal za {e1}ti dve nedeli bol{p1}she,
chem za poslednie 14 let.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich ... Ya nikogda ne zabudu, kak polu
golodnym studentom yavilsya k vam, i vy priyutili menya na kafedre ...\\
~~Filipp Filppovich. Golubchik, ya inogda oru na vas pri operatsii. Vy
uzh prostite menya. Esli by kto-nibud{p1} razlozhil menya i vyporol, ya by,
klyanus{p1} bogom, zaplatil by chervontsev pyat{p1}. Ved{p1} ya rabotal ... Ya
pyat{p1} let sidel, vykorchevyval pridatki iz mozgov ... Proizvedena pervaya v
mire ... ya zabotilsya ob uluchshenii chelovechesko\u{i} porody. Golubchik,
neuzheli vy dumaete, chto ya iz-za deneg? Ved{p1} ya vse-taki ucheny\u{i} ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. I tak bol{p1}she prodolzhat{p1}sya ne mozhet! Ya ne smeyu
davat{p1} vam sovety, no, posmotrite na zenya, vy zhe sovershenno izmuchilis{p1},
ved{p1} tak nel{p1}zya rabotat{p1}.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Absolyutono nevozmozhno.\\
(Opyat{p1} zagremeli tazy, zazveneli stekla. Zakrichali golosa.
Po-yavilis{p1} Dar{p1}ya Petrovna v nochno\u{i} sorochke i Zina. Zakryvavshaya
ruko\u{i} koftochku rasstegnutuyu na grudi. Moguche\u{i} ruko\u{i} Dar{p1}ya Petrovna
volokla za shivorot p{p1}yanen{p1}kogo Sharikova, odetogo v kozhanuyu kurtku s
chuzhogo plecha i kozhanye potertye shtany.)\\
~~Zina. Ne nado! ... Ne nado! ... Ne nado! \\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna (vstryakhivaya Sharikova kak meshok s kartofelem.) Filipp
Filippovich! ... Polyubu\u{i}tes{p1}, gospodin professor, na nashego
vizitera, Telegrafa Telegrafovicha. Ya zamuzhem byla, a Zina -- nevinnaya
devushka. Khorosho, chto ya prosnulas{p1}.\\
~~Zina. Ne nado!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Doktor! Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich!\\
~~Bormental{p1} (vzyal ego za glotku.) Povtorya\u{i}te: izvinite menya ... \\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Doktor, umolyayu vas!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Izvenite menya, mnogouvazhaemaya Dar{p1}ya Petrovna ...\\
~~Sharikov. Dar{p1}ya Petrovna ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Mnogouvazhaemaya!\\
~~Sharikov. Mnogouvazhaemaya ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. I Zinaida ...\\
~~Dar{p1}ya Petrovna. Prokof{p1}evna ...\\
~~Sharikov. (khvataya vozdukh.) Prokof{p1}evna ...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Chto ya pozvolil sebe gnusnuyu vykhodku ...\\
~~Sharikov. Gnusnuyu!!!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich!\\
~~Sharikov. Gnusnuyu Vykhodku.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Byt{p1} tishe vody, nizhe travy.\\
~~Sharikov. Vchera kotov dushili-dushili.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Kak? ...\\
~~Sharikov. Po spetsial{p1}nosti. Ot$\!\,$stan{p1}, Bormental{p1}...\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Vy menya po imeni i otchestvu, pozhalu\u{i}sta, nazyva\u{i}te!\\
~~Sharikov. Nu i vy menya nazyva\u{i}te po imeni i otchestvu!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net! Po takomu imeni i otchestvu u sebya v
kvartire ya vas ne pozvolyu nazyvat{p1}! Esli vam ugodno, chtob vas ne
nazyvali famil{p1}yarno "Sharikov", my budem zvat{p1} vas "gospodin Sharikov".\\
~~Sharikov. Ya ne gospodin. Gospoda vse v Parizhe.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Shvonderova rabota! Segodnya zhe ya pomeshchu v
gazete soobshchenie i, klyanus{p1} bogom, ya vam na\u{i}du komnatu.\\
~~Sharikov (uzhe sovsem trezvy\u{i}.) Nu da, ne tako\u{i} ya durak, chtoby
s{p2}ekhat{p1} ot$\!\,$syuda.\\
(Bormental{p1} szhal kulaki.)\\
~~Sharikov. Ne nado, gospodin Bormental{p1}. Ne nado. Vot ... (i
vytashchil iz karmana nobuyu bumagu.) Vot. Ya chlen zhilishchnogo
tovarishchestva i mne polagaet$\!\,$sya otdel{p1}no v kvartire 5 u otvet$\!\,$stvennogo
s{p2}emshchika Preobrazhenskogo, polagaet$\!\,$sya ploshchad{p1} v 16 kvardratnykh
arshin. Blagoizvolite!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Klyanus{p1}, ya {e1}togo Shvondera prikonchu sobstvennymi
rukami.\\
~~Bormental{p1} (predosteregayushche.) Filipp Filippvich. Forzikhtikh!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu uzh esli takaya podlost{p1}...\\
~~Sharikov. Chto vy mne zhit{p1} ne daete? Razve ya prosil mne
operatsiyu delat{p1}? Ukhvatili zhivotnuyu, raspolosovali nozhikom golovu, a
teper{p1} gnushayut$\!\,$sya. Ya, mozhet, svoego soglasiya na operatsiyu ne daval.
Ravno i moi rodnye. Ya, mozhet byt{p1}, imeyu pravo isk pred{p1}yavit{p1}!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Vy izvolite byt{p1} nedovol{p1}nym, chto vas
prevratili v chelovera? Vy, mozhet byt{p1}, predpochitaete snova begat{p1} po
pomo\u{i}kam?\\
~~Sharikov (pryachas{p1} za gozato\u{i}.) A chto vy menya poprekaete? Pomo\u{i}ka,
pomo\u{i}ka. Ya svo\u{i} kusok khleba dobyval. A chto, esli b ya pomer u vas
pol nozhom? Chto vy na {e1}to vozrazite, tovarishch?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. (terpelivo.) Ya vam ne tovarishch.\\
~~Sharikov. Uzh konechno, kak zhe-s. My ponimaem-s. Kakie uzh my vam
tovarishchi! Gde uzh! My v universitetakh ne obuchalis{p1}, v kvartirakh do 15
komnat ne zhili. Tol{p1}ko teper{p1} {e1}to pora ostavit{p1}. Teper{p1} kazhdy\u{i}
imeet pravo ...\\
(On vdrug lyazgnul zuvami i sunul nos podmysku.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Pal{p1}tsami! Pal{p1}tsami blokh lovit{p1}! Ya ne ponimayu,
otkuda vy ikh berete?\\
~~Sharikov. Vidno blokhi menya lyubyat. Vchera kotov dushili, dushili ... dushili ...
dushili (ushel.)\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Uchitel{p1}, esli vy pozvolite, ya sam, na svo\u{i} strakh i
risk, nakormilyu ego mysh{p1}yakom.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Net, ne pozvolyu vam {e1}togo. Ya uzh ne molod i
mogu davat{p1} sovety. Na prestuplenie ne idite nikogda, protiv kogo by
ono ni bylo napravleno. Dozhivite s chistymi rukami.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Ya ne mal{p1}chik i ya prekrasno ponimayu naskol{p1}ko
{e1}to mozhet poluchit{p1}sya uzhasnaya shtuka, no, po moemu glubokomu
ubezhdeniyu, drugogo vykhoda net ... Filipp Filippovich, vy velichina mirovogo
znacheniya ... oni ne mogut vam nichego sdelat{p1}...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Tem bolee ne po\u{i}du na {e1}to.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Da pochemu? Pochemu?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Da potomu chto vy-to ne velichina mirovogo
znacheniya. A brosyat{p1} kollegu v sluchae katastrofy, samomu zhe
vyskochit{p1} na mirovom znachenii, prosite ... mne, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich, ya
moskovski\u{i} student, a ne Sharikov.\\
(On gordelivo podnyal plechi i vypryamilsya. Voshli vse troe frenchakh
i otdali chest{p1}. Poyavilsya voenny\u{i}.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Idite, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich. Idite doktor! U vas
boli, golubchik, vozobnovilis{p1}?\\
~~Voenny\u{i} (usazhivayas{p1}.) Net, net. Blagodaryu vas, Filipp Filippovich.
Ya k vam po drugomu delu. Filipp Filippovich, pitaya k vam bol{p1}shoe
uvazhenie, reshil predupredit{p1}... (on dostal iz karmana bumagu.) Khorosho,
chto mne neposredstvenno dolozhili ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich (prositav bumagu i menyayas{p1} v litse.) ... A takzhe
ugrozhaya ubit{p1} predsedatelya domkoma tovarishcha Shvondera, iz chego vidno,
chto khranit ognestrel{p1}noe oruzhie. I proiznosit kontrrevolyutsionnye rechi.
I dazhe {E1}ngel{p1}sa prikazal svoe\u{i} sotsial-prisluzhnitse Zinaide Prokof{p1}evne
Bunino\u{i} spalit{p1} v pechke.\\
~~Voenny\u{i}. Kak yavny\u{i} men{p1}shevik, so svoim assistentom Bormentalem,
kotory\u{i} ta\u{i}no, nepropisanny\u{i} prozhivaet v ego kvartire.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Podpis{p1} zaveduyushchego podotdelom ochistki P.P.
Sharikova udostoveryayu. Predsedatel{p1} domkoma Shvonder.\\
~~Voenny\u{i}. Sekretar{p1} Pestrukhin.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Krasivo ... Vy pozvolite mne {e1}to ostavit{p1} u
sebya? Ili mozhet byt{p1}, vam {e1}to nuzhno, chtoby dat{p1} zakonny\u{i} khod delu?
Pozhalu\u{i}sta, voz{p1}mite.\\
~~Voenny\u{i}. (obizhenno.) Filipp Filippovich ... Filipp Filippovich ... vy
de\u{i}stvitel{p1}no, ochen{p1} podozritel{p1}no smotrite na nas.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Prostite, golubchik. Ya, pravo, ne khotel vas
obidet{p1}. Prostite ... Golubchik, on menya tak zadergal ... \\
~~Voenny\u{i}. Filipp Filippovich ... No kakaya vse-taki dryan{p1}.\\
(On shchelknul kablukami i ushel. Troe vo frenchakh otdali emu chest{p1} i
ushli sledom.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Finita ... Finita ... Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich ...
Finita ... Kak, po-vashemu, ya ponimayu chto-nibud{p1} v anatomii i
fiziologii, nu skazhem chelovecheskogo mozgovogo apparata?\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Filipp Filippovich, chto vy sprashivaete?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Ya tozhe polagayu, chto ya v {e1}tom ne samy\u{i} posledni\u{i}
chelovek v Moskve.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. I v Londone! I v Oksforde!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nu tak vot-s ... Chita\u{i}te! Sdelat{p1} iz nego
cheloveka nikomu ne udast$\!\,$sya. Chita\u{i}te! Tak i soshlites{p1} na menya.
Skazhite, Preobrazhenski\u{i} skazal: "Finita!" Chita\u{i}te! Vam, kak
staromu drugu soobshchayu po sekretu: stary\u{i} osel Preobrazhenski\u{i} narvalsya
na {e1}to\u{i} operatsii, kak tret{p1}ekursnik. Otkrytie poluchilos{p1}.
Proizvedena pervaya v mire! ... No zachem? ... Sprashivaet$\!\,$sya, ... zachem.
Moi luchi mile\u{i}shego psa prevratili v takuyu mraz{p1}, chto volosy vstayut
dybom. Golubchik, mozhno privit{p1} mozg Spinozy ili eshche kakogo-nibud{p1} takogo
leshego i soorudit{p1} iz sobaki chrezvycha\u{i}no vysoko stoyashchee, esli
tol{p1}ko neschastny\u{i} pes ne umret pod nozhom. No zachem. Na kakogo
d{p1}yavola iskusstvenno ego formirovat{p1}, esli lyubaya baba mozhet ego rodit{p1},
kogda ugodno. Ved{p1} rodila zhe v Kholmogorakh madam Lomonosova {e1}togo
svoego ... znamenitogo. Golubchik, chelovechestvo samo zabotit$\!\,$sya ob {e1}tom
i v {e1}volyutsionnom poryadke ezhegodno sozdaet desyatkami geniev,
porazhayushchikh zemno\u{i} shar. Teoreticheski {e1}to interesno. Nu, a
prakticheski chto? No, polucha\u{i} Sharikova i esh{p1} ego s kashe\u{i}.
Finita!\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Da ezheli ego obrabotaet Shvonder ...\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Shvonder! Shvonder i est{p1} samy\u{i} glavny\u{i} durak.
Se\u{i}chas Shvonder staraet$\!\,$sya natravit{p1} ego na menya, ne soobrazhaya, chto esli
kto-nibud{p1} v svoyu ochered{p1} natravit Sharikova na samogo Shvondera, to ot
nego ostanut$\!\,$sya rozhki da nozhki.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Odni koty chego stoyat!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Koty -- {e1}to vremenno. Eshche cherez
kako\u{i}-nibud{p1} mesyats oni perestanut ego interesovat{p1}. Poka -- {e1}to
luchshee iz vsego chto on delaet. Ves{p1} uzhas v tom, chto u nego ne sobach{p1}e,
a imenno chelovecheskoe serdtse. I samoe parshivoe iz vsekh, kotorye sushchesvuyut v
prirode.\\
(Voshel Sharikov. Vynul pistolet, zaryadil ego ... )\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Se\u{i}chas zhe soberite svoi veshchi, rubashki, vse, chto
vam neobkhodimo i nemedlenno von! Ubira\u{i}tes{p1} iz kvartiry!\\
(Sharikov natselilsya na F.F. Bormental{p1} brosilsya. Zatem pravo\u{i}
ruko\u{i} po adresu opasnogo Bormentalya vytashchil iz karmana revol{p1}ver.
Cherez mgnovenie Sharikov khripel na polu, a na grudi ego sidel
Bormental{p1} i dushil ego podushko\u{i}.)\\
\\
(Zazhglos{p1} {e1}lektrichestogo. Voshel pervy\u{i} vo frenche i soobshchil.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Filipp Filippovich, ugolovnaya militsiya i ponyatye.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Golubchik, blagovolite pustit{p1}.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Propustit{p1}!\\
(Voshli eshche dvoe vo frenchakh, militsioner, sledovatel{p1}. Voznesenskaya,
Pestrukhin, shve\u{i}tsar Fedor i Dar{p1}ya Petrovna.)\\
~~Patsient. Kogda priem?\\
~~Sledovate{p1} (smushchenno.) Izvinite, professor. Ochen{p1} nepriyatno. U
nas est{p1} order na obysk v vashe\u{i} kvartire i arest v zavisimosti ot
rezul{p1}tatov.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Po kakomu obvineniyu, smeyu sprosit{p1}, i kogo?\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Po obvineniyu Preobrazhenskogo, Bormentalya, Zinaidy
Bunino\u{i}, i Dar{p1}i Ivanovo\u{i} i Fedora Filippova v ubi\u{i}stve zaveduyushchego
podotdela ochistki MKKh Poligrafa Sharikova.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nichego ne ponimayu. Kakogo Sharikova? Akh!
Vinovat, {e1}to moego psa, kotorogo ya operiroval.\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Izvinite, professor, ne psa ...\\
~~Shvonder. A kogda on uzhe byl chelovekom! Vot v chem delo!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Chelovekom? On govoril, no {e1}to eshche ne znachit
byt{p1} chelovekom. Vprochem, {e1}to ne vazhno. A Sharik i se\u{i}chas sushchestvuet
i reshitel{p1}no nikto ne ubival.\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Togda ego pridet$\!\,$sya pred{p2}yavit{p1}. Desyaty\u{i} den{p1} kak
propal, a dannye, izvinite menya, ochen{p1} nekhoroshie.\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Dorkor Bormental{p1}, Ivan Arnol{p1}dovich,
blagovolite predstavit{p1} Sharika sledovatelyam.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Sharik! Gulyat{p1}!\\
(Vbezhal Pes, podprygnul, vykhvatil s polki zubami povodok s
oshe\u{i}nikom i prinyalsya skakat{p1} vokrug stola. Potom neskol{p1}ko
uspokoivshis{p1}, sel v kreslo i polozhil noga na nogu. Militsioner perekrestilsya.)\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Kak zhe on, pozvol{p1}te, sluzhil v ochistke?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. A ya ego tuda ne naznachal. Emu gospodin Shvonder
dal rekomendatsiyu, esli ne oshibayus{p1}.\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Ya nechego ne ponimayu. (obratilsya k militsioneru.) On? \\
~~Militsioner. On. Formenno on.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}, Vtoro\u{i} i Treti\u{i}. On, on.\\
~~Fedor. On, svoloch{p1}... on. Tol{p1}ko opyat{p1} obros.\\
~~Shvonder (krichit.) On zhe govoril!!!\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. On i se\u{i}chas govorit, tol{p1}ko vse men{p1}she i
men{p1}she, tak chto pol{p1}zu\u{i}tes{p1} sluchaem, a to on skoro sovsem
umolknet.\\
~~Sledovatel{p1}. Pochemu?\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Nauke neizvestny sposoby prevrashchat{p1} zvere\u{i} v
lyude\u{i}. Ya poproboval, da tol{p1}ko neudachno, kak vidite. Pogovoril,
pogovoril i nachal prevrashchat{p1}sya v pervobytnoe sostoyanie.\\
~~Pes. (gromko.) Lasko\u{i} ... Tol{p1}ko lasko\u{i} ...\\
(I vstal. Sledovatel{p1} uronil portfel{p1} i stal padat{p1}. Militsioner
polkhvatil ego sboku, a Fedor szali. Proizoshla sumatokha.)\\
~~Filipp Filippovich. Valerianki. {E1}to obmorok.\\
~~Bormental{p1}. Shvondera ya sobstvennoruchno sbroshu s lestnitsy, esli on
eshche raz poyavit$\!\,$sya v kvartire professora Preobrazhenskogo.\\
~~Shvonder. Proshu {e1}ti slova zanesti v protokol.\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. A poka, tovarishchi, vse svobodny!\\
(Ushli vse, krome Filippa Filippovicha i Pervogo. Pervy\u{i} zaderzhalsya,
chtoby sprosit{p1}.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Kak rabotaet$\!\,$sya, Filipp Filippovich?\\
(Filipp Filippovich, uzhe ne slysha ego, chto-to zadumchivo provychal
sebe pod nos i vzyal s polki banku s chelovecheskim mozgom.)\\
~~Pervy\u{i}. Rabota\u{i}te spoko\u{i}no. Ya proslezhu, chtoby vam nikto
ne meshal.\\
(Pervy\u{i} tikho vyshel i plotno zakryl za sobo\u{i} dver{p1}. Filipp
Filippovich smotrel na mozg v banke. Pes ulegsya na pol u nog gospodina.
Prekrasny\u{i} zhenski\u{i} golos zapel.)\\

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Konets)

}
\end{document}